Monday 4 February 2013

Boganwood Episode 3

Welcome to Boganwood, Canberra, (Au)stralia the forgotten suburb.

Now before we get into what Dingo and Bricko got up to in the supermarket we should check back in on Sheila as she continues her long trek through the suburbs, on the determined mission to get to the centrelink office.

The neighbors cleared out of sheila’s way, as she walked down the street swearing and cursing at anyone that paid too much attention to her. Sheila was fuming and walking in her ugh boots was only creating more issues. Sheila continued down the street with her hand on her stomach to ensure her baby was safe. She was now a pregnant women and how dare they do this to her, they were taking food out of her unborn babies mouth. Sheila worked through the discussion in her head that she was going to have with the centrelink office, when a car pulled up behind her and started beeping it horn.
“ Fuck off you dirty cunt” Sheila yelled without looking around. The car continued to beep and sheila turned around to be greeted by someone she knew sitting behind the wheel of the car.
“ Hey ya Sheila, were you heading to ?”
In the car was Jimbo, Bricko and Dingos mate who had given them the window washing gig. Sheila stared at him trying to recall the story Dingo and Bricko told her of what had occurred the day before at the supermarket. Jimbo smiled out the window at Sheila and she felt in her waters that there was something that she needed to remember about this situation. Sheila worked through the events of the previous day and tried to recall the events of how Dingo and Bricko had come about the window washing business from Jimbo.
“ Where your bloke, Dingo ?” Jimbo asked.
“Wouldn’t have a fuckn clue sorry, he was out of bed when I got up. Bloody Centrelink have ripped me off” Sheila yelled back at Jimbo. Now sheila wasn’t the smartest vegemite, but she figured if she changed the subject she might be have time to recall what had happened at the supermarket so she started to rant…….
“ I woke this morning and went out to the mail box and the fuckers didn’t send me my check, now I was going to get me a bank account to get some direct transfer shit, but I thought why should I have to pay someone to get my money? Ha, this wasn’t a deal with old Sheila and I’m pregnant and stuff” Sheila continued un-interrupted whilst Jimbo called out in a means to end her rant.
“ And here I is walking down the street with no one to help me and I’m struggling cause I’m pregnant you know and my baby is making me sick and no one ever helps me and the government is fucked and Julia Gillard is a ranga red nut bitch that has screwed up the economy and Im thinking about going to a current affairs and stuff ……”
Sheila continued her rant until Jimbo had seen his opportunity to interrupt with a small solution to one of her so called problems. Jimbo pulled over the car blocking her way and yelled over the top of her “Sheila, Sheila, Sheila” until she stopped her rant for just a moment.
“ I will give you lift” Jimbo offered from his window.
Now something kept niggling in the back of Sheilas mind that there was something she was missing and she was almost certain that it was the ‘baby’ she held within her belly that kept her memory from being retrieved, not the second bong hit she had taken this morning as her breakfast.
It had something to do with the events that occurred at the supermarket, but try as she might all she could remember was that Jimbo gave the boys the window washing business when they had assisted him with his scheme. As the boys were today washing windows on Jimbos block, it must have went perfect, right ? Sheila hesitated walking toward the car until she asked more questions, but would they be the right questions ?
“ Why would you help me ?” she asked
“ Because we are mates, sheila and that’s what mates do for each other.”
“ Yeah but, whats in it for you ?”
“ Well only that I get to help out someone that I would like to think of as family and someone that would support me if I was also in a similar situation, because that’s what we do in Boganwood we help each other.”
Now that took Sheila back a moment, as she didn’t recall any of this being part of the boganwood unwritten law. There were a number of rules including no robbing your neighbors, no rooting your mates mum, only borrowing items from people that could afford it and not calling the cops of the music was played until all hours…….. and many more…..
But hell if getting a lift wasn’t a great idea for Sheila, she was already feeling the sweat soaking through her toes and was thinking that ugh boots probably weren’t the best of ideas and here was Jimbo the bloke that helped Dingo and Bricko out with their window washing gig.
Sheila made her way to the car as Jimbo smiled and reached over to the passenger seat unlocking the door so that sheila could open it from the outside. Sheila jumped into the car next to Jimbo and noticed for the first time that Jimbo had his leg in cast……. a memory slowly but surely crept its way back into Sheilas mind and she tried to grab it….
Leg……. Broken leg……supermarket…… but still she couldn’t put the pieces together, but she felt that getting a lift wasn’t the best of ideas so she tried to open the door again with no success, she looked at Jimbo.
“Your doors fucked, Ive changed my mind, I think I still have some rides left on my bus ticket and I have to go and talk to some friends’
‘ Nah your right Sheila, no problems at all, we should have a chat about a few things any way”
Jimbo stated as he started driving off “ Don’t worry about me broken leg, the cars an auto and the reverse and drive gears are the only things that work. I only need one leg to drive the old girl, so we will be there in no time at all‘
“ Nah you right Jimbo, I appreciate the thought and stuff but I think I should be getting out walking and stuff, that wasn’t a knock at your leg or anything, I’m wanting to keep up my health for me bub and stuff”
“ Now sheila what kind of mate would I be if I didn’t help you out ?” Jimbo stated “and I probably should have told you that the window is busted as well, so you cant get that bitch down any sorry, but hey lets face it, its better then riding one of those buses isn’t it ?
A thousand things ran through Sheilas mind in a matter of moments as she started to recall the events from the day before, she reached and reached for what had occurred. The busted leg, the supermarket, the oil, Dingo, Bricko……… and then all of a sudden it all came back to her as Jimbo turned and smiled. “ Now sheila, I should also explain that I had an ulterior motive to giving you a lift, we should take this time to have a chat about what occurred in the supermarket yesterday…..”
Sheila grabbed at the door again trying to get out of the car, to no success, she had fucked up and shit if she wasn’t going to pay for it. Jimbo wasn’t a happy boy and if she wasn’t pregnant, she would have recalled the event quicker. Jimbo smiled again at Sheila turning in the opposite direction of Centrelink
“Fuck me Jimbo, it wasn’t my fault…..fuck you cunt let me out of the car….what the fuck are you going to do you dirty crippled fuck ?” Sheila yelled at the top of her lungs.
Jimbo just smiled and said “ Sheila don’t be like that, we need to have a chat, but before we do, I have question for ya……do you have a ciggy ?”

So that’s where we leave Sheila for today, stuck in the car with Jimbo…. But that’s another story to be continued another day……. Now it shouldn’t go without mention that nothing that occurred the day before was sheilas fault and Jimbo should have been taking out his issues with the guys that caused the problem, Dingo and Bricko,….. but we will get to that story and how it all occurred next time we visit bogan wood……

Boganwood is a place of many adventures and in this case we have taken a look at the bad element, not Sheila nope she is only trying to support what is hers…..the baby, right ?, but Jimbo he is a man that should not be taken lightly …. Come back to Boganwood to find the answer to the questions

What will happen to Sheila now she is stuck with Jimbo ?
How does this all relate to Dingo and Bricko’s misadventures only days before ?
All will be answered in the next episodes and remember what they say in Boganwood…..
Wheres my fucking dole check ?

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