Boganwood Season 2 Episode 3

Welcome to Boganwood Australia, Canberra’s forgotten suburb
In today’s adventure we check back in on the luckiest man alive as he makes his way out of town for good……… the now very wealthy Jimbo.

Jimbo stares at the back of money, very chuffed with himself over his luck !
Finally he thought, I finally got what was coming to me he thought….. how could things get any better ?
He had his money and the furtherest thing from his mind was Sheila, Dingo and Bricko……. And poor old Kazza with his young child.
Jimbo continued down the road and reached over to turn the radio on, he felt good and a bit of Jimmy Barnes would wash down the day in near perfect fashion.
He turned on the radio and was about to push in the cassette tape single he had of ‘Khe San’ when up ahead he spotted a road block with cars lined up being searched by police officers. The radio continued to play as Jimbo moved forward, all he had to do was get through the police and he was home free…… all the money he could want, without the work….. Brilliant he thought with a smile on his face….. He reached back down to push the cassette into the player when he heard the news bulletin……

‘Police are looking for three men that robbed a local club in Canberra today.’ …. ‘
I bet they fucking are’ Jimbo laughed to himself.
‘After about 5pm this afternoon’ the radio continued…. ‘three masked men walked into a club armed and demanding money from the reception and bar staff. ‘
‘Blood amateurs’ he laughed again, making his way up the line getting closer to the police barricade. Jimbo sat smugly moving forward and took a look at the bag in the passenger seat. ‘Should probably get rid of that’ he said aloud as he threw it into the back seat…

‘In their attempt to leave the premises one of the men stumbled and fell into an ATM, injury his leg.’
The radio continues as Jimbo moved another car closer to the cops.
‘The police are on the looking for 3 middle aged males, one with an injured leg and they ask that you do not approach them as they are armed and suspected to be dangerous. They were last seen heading south, in a Holden Commodore…..’

Jimbo looked down at his leg then up at the cops and thought to himself…… they couldn’t be that stupid could they ? He didn’t do anything……. Jimbo had a decision to make….. he was driving a Holden…..But shit they were searching every car, not just holdens……. he also had a busted leg……. And he had a bag full of money in his car……. What the fuck was he going to do ? The car in front of him pulled closer to the line of cops searching the cars as Jimbo sat in the car with a time bomb about to go off……. And that’s when it happened………..

Dingo and Bricko made their way over to a mates place to get some weed not giving any passing thought to the situation that was happening with Sheila and poor old Jimbo…. What did they know ? When they had left Sheila she was sitting in the back yard waiting on her men to return with some more dope…… and lets face it…. No one really thought about Jimbo unless he was harassing them. They continued up the path moving closer and closer to their friends house.

‘What a fucking day’ Dingo said to Bricko.
‘Yeah Mate, I have to admit…. With the amount of work we did today it would have been easier just to get a fucking job….’ He said back to Dingo..
Dingo laughed and they both looked at each other…..
‘Nah fuck that for a joke’ they both said at the same time laughing ……
They continued up the road and made their way to their mates house, recapping the crap they had gone through and how their Bogan luck had kicked in again.
‘Hey mate, what did you say to the Centrelink bloke ?’ Dingo asked Bricko.
‘Sheila said you was talking to him and she couldn’t hear ya, he went white and next thing you knew the cheque was on its way’
‘Mate’ Bricko responded ‘Sometimes there are things are best to remain unsaid’ he laughed….’ But someday I may tell you…..’ he laughed as Dingo made his way up to the door of their mate.
Dingo knocked on the door….
‘Who the fuck is it’ a voice yelled from the door
‘Micko you drunken Giraffe, Open the fucking door’ Dingo yelled.
Micko opened the door a crack and stared out….’Ah fuck me, you skinny bogan cunt how the fuck are ya ?’ he said as he opened it wide and shook his hand….. ‘My best customers, Sheilas own little fucking lap dogs’ he laughed….. ‘Hey, he might be, but I aint’ Bricko clarified….’Mate, We are all Sheila’s fucking lapdogs’ Micko laughed and Brick and Dingo joined in.
“What can I do you guys for ?’ Micko asked.
‘Mate we need a taste of your old tomato plant if you would be so kind…’ Dingo said.
‘Mate what would you like it laced with ?’ Micko asked
‘I will take it straight’ Dingo responded
‘The same way he takes him men’ bricko laughed with Micko joining in.
‘Sheilas fucking pregnant and we want to be careful’ Dingo responded in a snarking way.
‘yeah mate, I understand’ Micko said… ‘but we have a wee bit of a problem with that order, I’m sorry’……

……The car in front of him moved forward as Jimbo moved closer and closer to the line of cars and Jimbo was fucked…. And not in the good way……

…. The postman walked closed to Sheila ‘What the fuck ? Did the postman finally decide to bring my Centrelink cheque’ she said as the figure moved closer. He was only metre away when she noticed that he had something in his hand……..

‘What do you mean your out of standard shit’ Dingo looked shockingly at Micko….
‘Mate, I don’t mean to be a dick about your misses but since she has gotten ‘Pregnant’ she has been in and out of this place every day buying up my stock’
‘Fucking Sheila’ Dingo said…. But lets face it he wasn’t surprised really….

‘Well mate, Im sorry but I can get you a cheap gram of coke or something’ Micko tried to counter deal….

‘What do I look like to you ?’ Dingo asked ‘A drug fucked loser ?’ Dingo continued….. ‘I have fucking standard you know mate and I don’t touch that shit’ he yelled at Micko.
‘I don’t mean any offense by it’ Micko back pedalled….

‘What if I gave you the location of a place to get some plants ?’ Micko asked
‘How far is it’ Dingo asked
‘Well it aint far from the address, but Im not sure of anything else it was given to me by a another mate and I haven’t had a chance to check it out’ he said.
‘And where is this so called place ?’ Dingo asked with Bricko listening intently……

….. Sheila its time we had a chat the postman said as he moved closer.
‘I have someone that would like to talk to you’ he said as Rabbit moved behind her and grabbed her from behind.
‘Get your fucking hands off me you rapey cunt’ Sheila yelled !

….. Jimbo stared at the cops out the window… he had to think quick….. what could he do ? The cops were moving closer and he needed to get out of this situation and quickly. He looked to the left and spotted someone he didn’t think he would ever see again……

So that’s where we leave everyone’s favourite bogans for this week as they go about their own business trying to work through their problems in an attempt to get back to the game of Goon Roulette……oh yeah and a lovely little bong hit……

So come back to Boganwood to find the answer to the questions

* What will happen to Sheila ?
* Shouldn’t someone tell Bricko and Dingo that Sheilas in trouble ?
* And who the fuck did Jimbo see ??
All this and more will be answered in the next episodes of Boganwood Season 2 and remember what they say in Boganwood……

‘Fair suck of the old sav, mate where’s my fucking tinnie ?’

Boganwood - The Misadventures of Beryl

Welcome to Boganwood Australia, Canberra’s forgotten suburb

Before we get back into the adventure with Sheila, Bricko and Dingo, we are going to take a detour to meet another of Boganwood's interesting characters

In today’s adventure we meet Beryl, another character that lives in the suburb of Boganwood as she goes through her fortnightly routine...........

Beryl woke up early, and looked out the window to check the weather, as today she had a few things to get accomplished and one of them needed a wee bit of organisation.

Now Beryl was classed as Elderly and although she frowned on the Bogans of Boganwood waiting on their fortnightly cheques from Centrelink, she would often get up early to check that her pension payment was in on time.

This morning was no different and she needed to get to the bank to make a quick withdraw, so she started on her way.

Now as Beryl takes herself to the bank in her fortnightly routine, we should take a moment to explain a bit about Beryl. She had been in Boganwood for many years, and was treated with a large amount of respect. Yeah there had been a few problems with the odd riff raff, stealing things from her yard but they never ever went around the back thankfully!

She had done a number of things to keep people out including keeping a sign up telling everyone she had a Rottweiler and putting in fake security cameras. Beryl had to keep people out of her garage as in the garage was her pride and joy!

Beryl made her way to the bank...........In this day and age no one needed to go to the teller anymore, but Beryl was different and she would make her way every fortnight to the local bank and make a withdraw of some pension payments.

Today was no different and she walked into the bank to be greeted by the always pleasant and smiling faces of those around her.

Beryl took her ticket, waiting to be called......

She had her favorite teller by the name of Greta and she would look forward to her conversations with her every week.

For the next 30 minute she would talk about her grown up kids and show photos, talking about her upcoming medical appointments and finally making the withdraw.

The bank was used to her and as she was a lovely little old lady, who would ever complain?

Beryl made her withdraw, slipping a $50 note into her purse for a later hand at Bingo and walked out into the town ready to take on her plans that she had put in place for the day.....

Beryl made her way up the street to her location and stopped to watch a busker play away with such intensity that he had his eyes closed ...

Beryl loved the song and stopped to have a listen.....

Now, It should go without saying that not everyone in Boganwood is nasty or mean or always looking for a quick buck and when it came to Beryl.......

Well, I’m sure you guessed it by now.....

She was once of the fucking worse! What I hear you say? The lovely little old lady?

Fuck no she wasn’t lovely, she was just better at hiding it then others....

Beryl was on her way to the local pub for a few wines and to gamble away her pension. Now I hear you say, that isn’t bad, that something she needs help with?

Well let me tell you, you’re wrong....

Beryl fell over and landed next to where the busker was playing.... As people started to help her up, she decided to help herself to a couple of dollars (and notes) out of the buskers money....

No one expected it and it always gave her a few free drinks down the local pub.....

As she was helped up and checked that she was alright, she continue to make her way to the pub....

That’s right people Beryl’s plan for the day was gambling the money through the poker machines..........Hours later and with only $50 dollars left to gamble she stared at the last poker machine she had played, trying to work out if she should take her money and leave...

Should she take the 50 and leave? Fuck no thought Beryl, This machine had to pay sooner or later and so she put it into the machine hoping for a win.....

No sooner had she put the money in the machine then it was gone...... She had gambled away allot of money!

She got up from the machine swearing and cursing under her breathe and watched as a couple of local Bogans jumped onto the machine after her. She pulled up a seat nearby and watched as the fucking Bogans kept hitting the buttons and that’s when it happened.....

The feature went off!

The Bogans started cheering and Yahooing over their win.... Over her machine, Beryl thought! Fucking Bogans! Fucking Boganwood! Beryl made her way to the manager...

"Excuse me Sir" Beryl said

"Yes, maam, how can I help you?”

"Well, I’m not usually the type of person that likes to start trouble, but a couple of people just jumped onto my machine while I went to the Ladies room"

"I’m sorry, Which Machine is it I’m sure there was some confusion and it was a misunderstanding. We can work it out?”

"That one over there" Beryl pointed over to the machine as Bricko and Dingo were dancing around with excitement over their win.

By the look the manager had on his face he had obviously had dealings with Dingo and Bricko before, they were Bogan scum and made his job difficult. He knew he needed help.....so he went to his Security guard Diesel....

"Have seat, and we will sort this out for you. I’m sorry for the inconvenience" The manager said to Beryl. Beryl was happy; she sat back and watched the fireworks....

Now you all know what happens from here as this was mentioned in an earlier episode but here’s a recap....

* Sheila turns up screaming and yelling

* Dingo, Bricko and Sheila are removed from the club

* Diesel get rolled out the front and Dingo and Bricko steal his security Jacket

"There you are, and we are sorry for this inconvenience" The manager said to Beryl as he helped her back to her chair.

"That’s alright lovey" Beryl stated “It’s the drugs that makes them do it, it’s all the whacky tobacy" she said to the manager.

She sat down with a smile on her face..... On the machine was $150...this was turning out to be a very lucky day she thought as she hit collect.

With all her winnings, she left the club and smiled at all that she had accomplished today......

She had a list of new credit card numbers and expiry dates (She had taken them down as she distracted Greta this morning in the bank), she had all the winnings from the machine and she had actually made a profit through all the purses she had gone through talking to different women about her grandkids and children.....

Now let’s get this straight......she had no children, She hated them....all they did was cost money, she thought and there was no way some little fucker was going to ruin her get rich scheme.....

She felt good and on a high as she walked in the front door of her house and made her way to the back shed......

She opened the door and made her way to the safe. She placed the money left over from the club on top of a large pile of cash and turned to stare at her pride and joy.....

Beryl walked up to the nearest plant and cut off a bud....tonight she was going to mulch it up and tomorrow she would sell it to her local Bogans of Boganwood.....

Beryl was a dope dealer see, and through all the schemes she had pulled off in her time this was the most profitable. By living in Boganwood she had been able to slip under the radar with her scheme and she was doing great! That was, until she crossed paths and screwed over, Dingo, Bricko and Sheila who were about to change her luck once and for all........

But that’s another story that will be told another day.......

Beryl’s true colors have just started to show and things have a way to work themselves out in Boganwood for the Good, the Bad and definitely the Bogan....... Come back to Boganwood to find out the answers to the questions

* How bad is little old Beryl really?

* Will Beryl finally get what’s coming to her?

* And what the fuck are Dingo, Bricko and Sheila up to???

Come back to find the answers to all of these questions and more in the next season of Boganwood, Season 2, to be released very, very soon.

And remember what they say in Boganwood.......

"Never trust your Nanna"