Boganwood Season 2 Episode 5

Welcome to Boganwood Australia Canberra’s forgotten suburb

In todays adventure we get straight back into the action as Jimbo goes to get his cash, Shiela meets the pleasant Beryl and Dingo and Bricko race off in search of help.

Diesel walked up the road with his bag full of cash.....

Wow, he thought, finally I get some luck instead of those Bogans fucking everything up.
He kept going over all of the problems from earlier that day and it all kept coming back to Dingo, Bricko and Sheila.
Why had he been so stupid to try and get them again ?
But nothing seemed too far out of his grasp with the bag full of money.
He sat down on a bench and looked in the bag.
It was full of cash.
How did Jimbo come across it ? It was only a matter of hours ago that he was at my place Diesel though as started walking again.

Now poor old Diesel has had a rough trot recently so you could excuse him for what he did next…..

He kept thinking of all the things he could do with the cash, I mean it wasn’t like Jimbo was ever going to be able to call the cops on him he thought.

‘Well it’s the least I deserve’ Diesel said as he continued up the road……


Jimbos luck had changed !
Quickly he thought, all I need to do is go and get the cash and I’m sorted.
The plans as it stood was a simple one
* Go and get the Cash
* Get the fuck out of Boganwood forever

All he had to do was going and grab the money off the useless Diesel and pay him a couple of bucks to keep his mouth shut and everything would fall into place.
He turned his car making his way toward Diesels place when he saw him walking up the road.
As he started moving toward him a taxi pulled over and Diesel got in.
‘Better not be using my money’ Jimbo said to no one in particular as he followed the taxi back to Diesels place.
Well that’s what Jimbo thought anyway.
As the taxi pulled up to the turn off to Diesels place it kept going.
‘What the fuck ?’ Jimbo said
‘He better not be doing anything stupid with my cash’ he said again as he continued to follow the taxi, Diesel and most importantly the cash………

Bricko ran up to a phone box and stopped.
‘No more running Diesel’ bricko said ‘Ive got a mate I need a favour from’ he said as he reached for the phone and called the operator.
“Give us some privacy, would ya’ Bricko said as he closed the door behind him.
‘What the fuck !’ Dingo yelled ‘hurry up we need to go and save Sheila’ he continued as he banged and banged on the phone booth.
It was only a small time when Bricko hung up the phone and opened the door.
‘We need about 10 minutes’ Bricko explained ‘Until then let’s go and check out what we are up against’.
 ‘Who did you call?’ Dingo asked Bricko.
‘Just a mate and they will be here to help real soon’ he said as the made their way back to Sheila….

Sheila stared at the old women.
‘I reakon you is fucked in the head’ she said to Beryl staring at her.
‘Why would you say that sweety ?’ beryl responded.
‘Cut the shit Grandma’ Sheila said to Beryl “ I may be a lot of things, but I aint stupid’ she explained.
‘I want my money Sheila ?’ Beryl asked
‘What Fucking money ?’
‘Don’t fuck with me, Im capable of a lot of things and my patience is wearing thin’ beryl explained.
Sheila racked her head trying to figure it out.
“Ive no idea what your talking about’
‘The money from the club, you fucking Bogan !’ Beryl screamed

All of a sudden the realisation of what Beryl was after hit Sheila like a ton of bricks. Now when I say the realisation hit Sheila let me elaborate a wee bit more.
As Sheila didn’t actually know anything about the robbery, other than a couple of blokes had robbed their local pub only moments before they had entered, Sheila didn’t even make that connection as she had come to realisation that Beryl was the grandma from the pub she had met weeks ago. Sheila had placed a connection with Beryl but it wasn’t exactly the right one ……

‘You have the fucking money’ Sheila said
‘What ?’ beryl asked
‘You took the money’ Sheila explained.
‘What ?’
‘Don’t act stupid with me’ Sheila yelled at Beryl.
Pat and Rabbit looked at Beryl.
Beryl looked at Pat and Rabbit.
‘what she talking about Beryl’ Pat asked moving toward Beryl.
‘I have no fucking idea what she is talking about’ Beryl said as she moved backward away from the approaching men.
‘yeah you fucking do’ Sheila explained ‘Her and the manager took it’ Sheila explained not realising what she was saying.
‘And I is pregnant and  stuff…….’ Sheila started on her rant.
‘Just stop’ Beryl said to Pat.
‘None of this makes sense’ Berly said as Sheila kept ranting in the Background
“And then the fucking Diesel the security guard turned up and she made him take us out ……’ Sheila continued her rant.

As Beryl kept speaking
‘Stop now !’ She yelled. Pat and Rabbit stopped.
‘None of this makes sense’ She continued
‘Let’s leave her here and go and talk about it in the other room’ she compromised as both rabbit and Pat followed her out of the room.

Sheila looked around the room, continuing her rant trying to find a way out.
The back door was now deadlocked and that was no longer an option.
She went through the drawer looking for a weapon to use but there was nothing more than a butter knife…… she continued her rant.

She looked around searching and hoping for a way out and that’s when she saw it…..

Beryl calmed the boys down explaining that she had no idea what Sheila was talking about and how stupid the idea was that she would rip them off when she heard……

Jimbo sat in the car watching as Diesel moved along the road in the taxi making his way toward an undisclosed location……….

Dingo and Bricko searched everywhere around the house for a way in and couldn’t find one. The only option was the front door and that’s where Bricko’s plan would come into action. The quietly made their way back to the road and waited as a car pulled. Out of a the car a female started walking toward them waving at Bricko, Bricko Smiled and turned to Dingo.

‘Fuck me Bricko, who is that ?’ he asked as she meet them out the front of Beryl’s house…….

So thats where we leave Boganwood for today, with a range of things about to come to a head.

Come back to find the answers to the questions

* What did Sheila find in the kitchen ?
* Who is the lady helping Dingo and Bricko ?
* Where the fuck is Diesel off too with the cash ?

Come back to Boganwood to find the answers to these and more questions as Season 2 of Boganwood continues and remember what they say in Bogawood…..

‘With the baby bonus, I can buy me a big screen TV’

Boganwood Season 2 Episode 4

Welcome to Boganwood Australia Canberra’s forgotten suburb

In today’s adventure we check back in on Sheila she is taken for a ride again but first we should catch up with Jimbo as he runs into a familiar friend

‘Diesel’ Jimbo yelled as he continued to get closer and closer to the police line up front.
‘Diesel’ he yelled again.
See Diesel wasn’t feeling the best, after being rolled by Dingo and Bricko.
He slowly turned his head toward the car and that’s when he saw Jimbo.
‘Jimbo ? Is that you’
‘I need a favour’ Jimbo yelled
‘Nah mate, Im not helping you anymore Im staying out of the shit’ Diesel continued as he made his way up road.
‘Fuck Diesel, what about if you had some of this’ Jimbo called out showing him a wad of cash.
‘What the fuck’ Diesel said as he started making his way toward the car.
‘All this could be yours’ Jimbo continued ‘If you will do me a small favour’ he continued.
The cars moved closer to the police. Jimbo’s car was only about 5 cars away from the line when Diesel reached the door.
‘I need you to take the cash’ Jimbo said.
‘You want me to take the cash?’ Diesel asked
‘Yes fuckstain’ he continued ‘I need you to take the cash and hide it until I get through this police line. After that’s done I will meet you at your place and we can split the money and I know how much is in there’ he said.
Now Diesel wasn’t the brightest cookie in the jar, but hell it was a lot of money he thought as he reached into the car and grab the bag of cash.
Smiling at his new found fortune he turned to Jimbo.
‘Ok mate, meet you at my place’ he said as he started walking back to his house.
Jimbo stared as Diesel walked off contemplating if he made the right choice giving Diesel the money as the line toward the police moved forward again he was now only 4 cars away from a search…….
‘What the fuck do you cunts want ?’ Sheila yelled from the back seat.
‘Shhhhh Sheila’ Pat said as they continued down the road. ‘We have someone that wants to meet you’ he said with a smile on his face.
‘ I aint doing nothing with youse’ she yelled “I am pregnant you dirty bastards, what have I ever dowe to anyone !!’ She continued in typical Sheila fashion raving and ranting as Rabbit and Pat wore the wraith of Sheila.
The car continued down the road as Sheila continued her abuse from the back seat, yelling every obscenity she could think of.
Pat turned to tell her to shut up when Sheila all of a sudden stopped.
‘Jesus Sheila, you took the money, all we want is the money’
‘Don’t know what you talking about’ Sheila said ‘But how’s about you give us a ciggie and I will shut up for youse’ she said.
That’s a great compromise Pat thought to himself as he reached into his pocket and threw her the pack.
Sheila reached into the pack and pulled out a ciggy and the lighter.
‘Now Sheila, not far to go and then when can start on about the money again’
‘I have no idea what your fucking talking about’ She said.
‘Yep we will get to that’ Pat said as they continued their way down the road………..
Dingo and Bricko got into the car with Micko as they made their way to the house.
The house itself wasn’t that far and they sat out the front looking at it trying to work out a plan to get inside and find what they were looking for and that’s when it happened……….
‘Ahhhhhhhh FUCK !’ Pat yelled as Sheila put the hot lighter into his neck.
Rabbit swerved but was able to control the car, that was until Sheila put the light cigarette into his cheek.
Rabbit slammed on the brakes.
Sheila started hitting Pat in the front seat.
She climbed into the front seat and continued punching his
“I’m fucking pregnant you fucks…..’ She yelled as she continued to hit both of with kicks and punches make her way for the door.
Both Rabbit and Pat were caught off guard and in the small enclosed area, they were unable to get control of the now feral Sheila.
Sheila opened the passenger and started to run.
Pat and Rabbit made their way out of the car trying to get control again.
Sheila ran into someones yard banging on the front door…..
“SHEILA !’ A voice yelled as she banged and banged on the door.
‘Help me I’m pregnant’ she yelled !
The front door opened and she barged her way in, locking the door behind her.
‘Thanks heaps lady, I’m pregnant and stuff’ She said.
‘Not a worry lovey’ Beryl smiled ‘I will go and call the cops for you’ she said as she made her way out the door with Sheila following.
……….
‘SHEILA’ Dingo yelled as he saw her run from the car.
Bricko grabbed him and held him down watching as Pat and Rabbit disorientated got out of the car and made their way into the yard.
‘wait a sec’ bricko yelled ‘This is some weird shit and we need to work out a plan’ he yelled as Dingo continued to thrash……….
‘Beryl hung up the phone’
‘There lovey, all sorted’ She said as she turned to sheila.
‘Would you like a cup of tea’ she said as she made her way to the fridge.
‘How about a fucking beer’ Sheila said.
‘Ok lovey I will just duck out and grab a drink from my fridge outside ‘she said as she unlocked the back door. As beryl unlocked it Pat and rabbit came inside smiling.
‘Where the fuck have you guys been’ Beryl said as Sheila came to the realisation that she was in trouble………
….. Just as Jimbo was making his way to the first police office all of the police raced back to their cars and took off. He laughed in relief as the traffic started to get back underway.
Money then out of town, he said as he turned back towards Diesels place………
Bricko and Dingo sat staring at the house.
They had Sheila.
What the fuck was going on ? They thought.
How they hell were they going to get her ?
What had she done to get into the house and why had Pat and Rabbit just walked in?
‘We can’t just walking in there’ Bricko said as they stared at the house.
Micko had left as soon as the shit hit the fan.
Bricko tried to work out a plan of attack.
They didn’t know what was going on, how where they going to get into the house ?
If they knew who Sheila was they were bound to know who Ding and Bricko were.
‘Ive got an idea’ Bricko said as he started to run up the street.
‘Where are we going’ Dingo yelled “we have to save Sheila’ he continued
“That’s exactly what are going do’ Bricko yelled as he continued up the road.
So thats where we leave Boganwood for today, with Sheila walking into a dangerous situation not realising that she is in far more trouble then she actually thinks.

So come back to find the answers to the questions
* What will happen to Sheila ?
* How nasty is Beryl really ?
* Why are Dingo and Brick running away from the house ?
Come back to Boganwood to find the answers to there questions and and more Season 2 of Boganwood continues and remember what they say in Bogawood…..
You cant live without the 3 B’s Boobs, burnouts and Beer !

Boganwood Season 2 Episode 3

Welcome to Boganwood Australia, Canberra’s forgotten suburb
In today’s adventure we check back in on the luckiest man alive as he makes his way out of town for good……… the now very wealthy Jimbo.

Jimbo stares at the back of money, very chuffed with himself over his luck !
Finally he thought, I finally got what was coming to me he thought….. how could things get any better ?
He had his money and the furtherest thing from his mind was Sheila, Dingo and Bricko……. And poor old Kazza with his young child.
Jimbo continued down the road and reached over to turn the radio on, he felt good and a bit of Jimmy Barnes would wash down the day in near perfect fashion.
He turned on the radio and was about to push in the cassette tape single he had of ‘Khe San’ when up ahead he spotted a road block with cars lined up being searched by police officers. The radio continued to play as Jimbo moved forward, all he had to do was get through the police and he was home free…… all the money he could want, without the work….. Brilliant he thought with a smile on his face….. He reached back down to push the cassette into the player when he heard the news bulletin……

‘Police are looking for three men that robbed a local club in Canberra today.’ …. ‘
I bet they fucking are’ Jimbo laughed to himself.
‘After about 5pm this afternoon’ the radio continued…. ‘three masked men walked into a club armed and demanding money from the reception and bar staff. ‘
‘Blood amateurs’ he laughed again, making his way up the line getting closer to the police barricade. Jimbo sat smugly moving forward and took a look at the bag in the passenger seat. ‘Should probably get rid of that’ he said aloud as he threw it into the back seat…

‘In their attempt to leave the premises one of the men stumbled and fell into an ATM, injury his leg.’
The radio continues as Jimbo moved another car closer to the cops.
‘The police are on the looking for 3 middle aged males, one with an injured leg and they ask that you do not approach them as they are armed and suspected to be dangerous. They were last seen heading south, in a Holden Commodore…..’

Jimbo looked down at his leg then up at the cops and thought to himself…… they couldn’t be that stupid could they ? He didn’t do anything……. Jimbo had a decision to make….. he was driving a Holden…..But shit they were searching every car, not just holdens……. he also had a busted leg……. And he had a bag full of money in his car……. What the fuck was he going to do ? The car in front of him pulled closer to the line of cops searching the cars as Jimbo sat in the car with a time bomb about to go off……. And that’s when it happened………..

Dingo and Bricko made their way over to a mates place to get some weed not giving any passing thought to the situation that was happening with Sheila and poor old Jimbo…. What did they know ? When they had left Sheila she was sitting in the back yard waiting on her men to return with some more dope…… and lets face it…. No one really thought about Jimbo unless he was harassing them. They continued up the path moving closer and closer to their friends house.

‘What a fucking day’ Dingo said to Bricko.
‘Yeah Mate, I have to admit…. With the amount of work we did today it would have been easier just to get a fucking job….’ He said back to Dingo..
Dingo laughed and they both looked at each other…..
‘Nah fuck that for a joke’ they both said at the same time laughing ……
They continued up the road and made their way to their mates house, recapping the crap they had gone through and how their Bogan luck had kicked in again.
‘Hey mate, what did you say to the Centrelink bloke ?’ Dingo asked Bricko.
‘Sheila said you was talking to him and she couldn’t hear ya, he went white and next thing you knew the cheque was on its way’
‘Mate’ Bricko responded ‘Sometimes there are things are best to remain unsaid’ he laughed….’ But someday I may tell you…..’ he laughed as Dingo made his way up to the door of their mate.
Dingo knocked on the door….
‘Who the fuck is it’ a voice yelled from the door
‘Micko you drunken Giraffe, Open the fucking door’ Dingo yelled.
Micko opened the door a crack and stared out….’Ah fuck me, you skinny bogan cunt how the fuck are ya ?’ he said as he opened it wide and shook his hand….. ‘My best customers, Sheilas own little fucking lap dogs’ he laughed….. ‘Hey, he might be, but I aint’ Bricko clarified….’Mate, We are all Sheila’s fucking lapdogs’ Micko laughed and Brick and Dingo joined in.
“What can I do you guys for ?’ Micko asked.
‘Mate we need a taste of your old tomato plant if you would be so kind…’ Dingo said.
‘Mate what would you like it laced with ?’ Micko asked
‘I will take it straight’ Dingo responded
‘The same way he takes him men’ bricko laughed with Micko joining in.
‘Sheilas fucking pregnant and we want to be careful’ Dingo responded in a snarking way.
‘yeah mate, I understand’ Micko said… ‘but we have a wee bit of a problem with that order, I’m sorry’……

……The car in front of him moved forward as Jimbo moved closer and closer to the line of cars and Jimbo was fucked…. And not in the good way……

…. The postman walked closed to Sheila ‘What the fuck ? Did the postman finally decide to bring my Centrelink cheque’ she said as the figure moved closer. He was only metre away when she noticed that he had something in his hand……..

‘What do you mean your out of standard shit’ Dingo looked shockingly at Micko….
‘Mate, I don’t mean to be a dick about your misses but since she has gotten ‘Pregnant’ she has been in and out of this place every day buying up my stock’
‘Fucking Sheila’ Dingo said…. But lets face it he wasn’t surprised really….

‘Well mate, Im sorry but I can get you a cheap gram of coke or something’ Micko tried to counter deal….

‘What do I look like to you ?’ Dingo asked ‘A drug fucked loser ?’ Dingo continued….. ‘I have fucking standard you know mate and I don’t touch that shit’ he yelled at Micko.
‘I don’t mean any offense by it’ Micko back pedalled….

‘What if I gave you the location of a place to get some plants ?’ Micko asked
‘How far is it’ Dingo asked
‘Well it aint far from the address, but Im not sure of anything else it was given to me by a another mate and I haven’t had a chance to check it out’ he said.
‘And where is this so called place ?’ Dingo asked with Bricko listening intently……

….. Sheila its time we had a chat the postman said as he moved closer.
‘I have someone that would like to talk to you’ he said as Rabbit moved behind her and grabbed her from behind.
‘Get your fucking hands off me you rapey cunt’ Sheila yelled !

….. Jimbo stared at the cops out the window… he had to think quick….. what could he do ? The cops were moving closer and he needed to get out of this situation and quickly. He looked to the left and spotted someone he didn’t think he would ever see again……

So that’s where we leave everyone’s favourite bogans for this week as they go about their own business trying to work through their problems in an attempt to get back to the game of Goon Roulette……oh yeah and a lovely little bong hit……

So come back to Boganwood to find the answer to the questions

* What will happen to Sheila ?
* Shouldn’t someone tell Bricko and Dingo that Sheilas in trouble ?
* And who the fuck did Jimbo see ??
All this and more will be answered in the next episodes of Boganwood Season 2 and remember what they say in Boganwood……

‘Fair suck of the old sav, mate where’s my fucking tinnie ?’

Boganwood - The Misadventures of Beryl

Welcome to Boganwood Australia, Canberra’s forgotten suburb

Before we get back into the adventure with Sheila, Bricko and Dingo, we are going to take a detour to meet another of Boganwood's interesting characters

In today’s adventure we meet Beryl, another character that lives in the suburb of Boganwood as she goes through her fortnightly routine...........

Beryl woke up early, and looked out the window to check the weather, as today she had a few things to get accomplished and one of them needed a wee bit of organisation.

Now Beryl was classed as Elderly and although she frowned on the Bogans of Boganwood waiting on their fortnightly cheques from Centrelink, she would often get up early to check that her pension payment was in on time.

This morning was no different and she needed to get to the bank to make a quick withdraw, so she started on her way.

Now as Beryl takes herself to the bank in her fortnightly routine, we should take a moment to explain a bit about Beryl. She had been in Boganwood for many years, and was treated with a large amount of respect. Yeah there had been a few problems with the odd riff raff, stealing things from her yard but they never ever went around the back thankfully!

She had done a number of things to keep people out including keeping a sign up telling everyone she had a Rottweiler and putting in fake security cameras. Beryl had to keep people out of her garage as in the garage was her pride and joy!

Beryl made her way to the bank...........In this day and age no one needed to go to the teller anymore, but Beryl was different and she would make her way every fortnight to the local bank and make a withdraw of some pension payments.

Today was no different and she walked into the bank to be greeted by the always pleasant and smiling faces of those around her.

Beryl took her ticket, waiting to be called......

She had her favorite teller by the name of Greta and she would look forward to her conversations with her every week.

For the next 30 minute she would talk about her grown up kids and show photos, talking about her upcoming medical appointments and finally making the withdraw.

The bank was used to her and as she was a lovely little old lady, who would ever complain?

Beryl made her withdraw, slipping a $50 note into her purse for a later hand at Bingo and walked out into the town ready to take on her plans that she had put in place for the day.....

Beryl made her way up the street to her location and stopped to watch a busker play away with such intensity that he had his eyes closed ...

Beryl loved the song and stopped to have a listen.....

Now, It should go without saying that not everyone in Boganwood is nasty or mean or always looking for a quick buck and when it came to Beryl.......

Well, I’m sure you guessed it by now.....

She was once of the fucking worse! What I hear you say? The lovely little old lady?

Fuck no she wasn’t lovely, she was just better at hiding it then others....

Beryl was on her way to the local pub for a few wines and to gamble away her pension. Now I hear you say, that isn’t bad, that something she needs help with?

Well let me tell you, you’re wrong....

Beryl fell over and landed next to where the busker was playing.... As people started to help her up, she decided to help herself to a couple of dollars (and notes) out of the buskers money....

No one expected it and it always gave her a few free drinks down the local pub.....

As she was helped up and checked that she was alright, she continue to make her way to the pub....

That’s right people Beryl’s plan for the day was gambling the money through the poker machines..........Hours later and with only $50 dollars left to gamble she stared at the last poker machine she had played, trying to work out if she should take her money and leave...

Should she take the 50 and leave? Fuck no thought Beryl, This machine had to pay sooner or later and so she put it into the machine hoping for a win.....

No sooner had she put the money in the machine then it was gone...... She had gambled away allot of money!

She got up from the machine swearing and cursing under her breathe and watched as a couple of local Bogans jumped onto the machine after her. She pulled up a seat nearby and watched as the fucking Bogans kept hitting the buttons and that’s when it happened.....

The feature went off!

The Bogans started cheering and Yahooing over their win.... Over her machine, Beryl thought! Fucking Bogans! Fucking Boganwood! Beryl made her way to the manager...

"Excuse me Sir" Beryl said

"Yes, maam, how can I help you?”

"Well, I’m not usually the type of person that likes to start trouble, but a couple of people just jumped onto my machine while I went to the Ladies room"

"I’m sorry, Which Machine is it I’m sure there was some confusion and it was a misunderstanding. We can work it out?”

"That one over there" Beryl pointed over to the machine as Bricko and Dingo were dancing around with excitement over their win.

By the look the manager had on his face he had obviously had dealings with Dingo and Bricko before, they were Bogan scum and made his job difficult. He knew he needed help.....so he went to his Security guard Diesel....

"Have seat, and we will sort this out for you. I’m sorry for the inconvenience" The manager said to Beryl. Beryl was happy; she sat back and watched the fireworks....

Now you all know what happens from here as this was mentioned in an earlier episode but here’s a recap....

* Sheila turns up screaming and yelling

* Dingo, Bricko and Sheila are removed from the club

* Diesel get rolled out the front and Dingo and Bricko steal his security Jacket

"There you are, and we are sorry for this inconvenience" The manager said to Beryl as he helped her back to her chair.

"That’s alright lovey" Beryl stated “It’s the drugs that makes them do it, it’s all the whacky tobacy" she said to the manager.

She sat down with a smile on her face..... On the machine was $150...this was turning out to be a very lucky day she thought as she hit collect.

With all her winnings, she left the club and smiled at all that she had accomplished today......

She had a list of new credit card numbers and expiry dates (She had taken them down as she distracted Greta this morning in the bank), she had all the winnings from the machine and she had actually made a profit through all the purses she had gone through talking to different women about her grandkids and children.....

Now let’s get this straight......she had no children, She hated them....all they did was cost money, she thought and there was no way some little fucker was going to ruin her get rich scheme.....

She felt good and on a high as she walked in the front door of her house and made her way to the back shed......

She opened the door and made her way to the safe. She placed the money left over from the club on top of a large pile of cash and turned to stare at her pride and joy.....

Beryl walked up to the nearest plant and cut off a bud....tonight she was going to mulch it up and tomorrow she would sell it to her local Bogans of Boganwood.....

Beryl was a dope dealer see, and through all the schemes she had pulled off in her time this was the most profitable. By living in Boganwood she had been able to slip under the radar with her scheme and she was doing great! That was, until she crossed paths and screwed over, Dingo, Bricko and Sheila who were about to change her luck once and for all........

But that’s another story that will be told another day.......

Beryl’s true colors have just started to show and things have a way to work themselves out in Boganwood for the Good, the Bad and definitely the Bogan....... Come back to Boganwood to find out the answers to the questions

* How bad is little old Beryl really?

* Will Beryl finally get what’s coming to her?

* And what the fuck are Dingo, Bricko and Sheila up to???

Come back to find the answers to all of these questions and more in the next season of Boganwood, Season 2, to be released very, very soon.

And remember what they say in Boganwood.......

"Never trust your Nanna"

Boganwood Episode 8 (Season 1 Finale)

Welcome to Boganwood, Canberra, (Au)stralia the forgotten suburb.

 In todays adventure, we bring closure to the first seasons adventure with Sheila, Dingo and Bricko.

Jimbo was pissed and sitting in the only mode of transport left for the boys to leave in !

“ What the fuck were you pulling?” he yelled “ I knew I couldn’t trust you fuckers he yelled”

“Well Jimbo mate, we didn’t technically call the cops….that, was your neighbour”

“There is no technicality you dumb fuck” Jimbo yelled "How are you ever going to pay me back ?

“Well Jimbo, We figured that we aint done nothing wrong, so we wont be paying you back”

“What do you mean you wont be paying me back ?” Jimbo asked

“ Well Jimbo, it would appear that you have a busted leg, there are 2 of us and we can kick your fucking arse” Dingo said looking at Bricko for support

“Now Jimbo, were not inclined to take violence out on people not wearing security jackets but I think you get the point” Bricko continued.

“Well fuckers, even with a busted leg I could still kick your arse” Jimbo as he started to climb out of the car…

Whilst Jimbo and the boys were arguing, Sheila sped toward Jimbos house……in a car…. with a friend of hers that she had recognized whilst yelling and screaming in Centrelink.

Now it shouldn’t go without mention that Sheila didn’t go and get her dole check, she just walked in and yelled “ I need to leave, and when I get back I wanted my fucking dole check !!!” thats when she spotted someone that could help her get to Jimbo's place.

Jimbo stepped out of his car and turned around as another car sped towards them, he stared at Dingo and Bricko in horror as the car continued to drive faster and faster !

“ What the fuck have you done, you silly cunts !!” Jimbo said as he quickly jumped back in his car and started the car

“ I will fucking get you back and it aint going to be pretty” He yelled as he sped off down the road in the opposite direction of the car moving faster and faster towards them.

All of a sudden the car came to a halt and Dingo and Bricko stared at each other and then at Sheila in the passenger seat. Sheila jumped and looked at the bruise on Dingo face. 

“ What the fuck have they done to ya ?” Sheila asked Dingo. 

“ Well me and Bricko had us a plan and stuff, but fucking that security guard from the club turned up”,” How the fuck did that happen?” Sheila asked. “ It’s a long story, we should be discussing down at the pub” Bricko said as he reached into pocket and pulled out the window washing earnings

” do you think your mate can give us a lift ?” he asked.

“Well I should probably explain who’s in the car” Sheila said as the boys climbed into the back seat. As Dingo and Bricko got into the car, there was a baby seat in the center of the back seat and in the front of the car was a familiar face. Jimbo's Ex…..

Now, It was a common story in Boganwood that Jimbo was a bit of a ladies man who had been dodging child support for months, moving from house to house to keep ahead of his ex, Karen (or Kazza). 

She had got pregnant to Jimbo and when she hit him up for support, he kept running and saying he didn’t have a job. This was the first time in months that Kazza had tracked him down and the reason why he pissed off so quickly. To say she owed them was an understatement, although he had got away yet again the fucker !

Kazza turned to the boys “ Alright boys, lets head to the pub! Me mums got the bub so we can put one on and talk about where you think Jimbo might pop his head up again. Sound like a plan ?”

“Fuck yeah” Dingo and Bricko yelled at the same time

“ No fucking way !” Sheila yelled!! “ I want my fucking dole check !!!!! Get me to fucking Centrelink”….

The crew pulled up to centrelink and Sheila bolted out of the car and barged her way to the front counter ! She was a women on a mission and no one was going to stop her. The reception saw her coming and paged the security guard, but no one came.

The manager sulked his way to the counter and whispered to the receptionist. 

“What do you mean the security guard called in sick, Diesel is never sick” She turned to Sheila who was pissed !

“Wheres my fucking dole check !”

“Its not dole day, mam”

“I aint no fucking mam and it is fucking dole day”

The supervisor turned to her manager for support 

“ Im sorry you are disappointed, but we cant issue checks here I'm sorry. Can we get your details and we will get back to you ?”

“No you fucking cant, you bald headed fuck”

“Now, I'm sorry but you cant use language like that”

“What are you, racist of something ?” Sheila yelled

“I'm sorry I'm confused, what does race have to do with me talking about your language ?”

“Yeah I think you are confused, go and get my dole check or I'm gonna ring Julia Gillard and stuff, and go to Current affair over you refusing to pay a pregnant women, and you were racist towards me and you swore at me….. "Sheila continued her rant.

The manager didn’t know what to do, this was unprecedented and there was no one to help him. It was at that moment that Bricko walked in wearing his security jacket, and the manager felt a sense of relief wash over him.

“Thank you sir, this bogan needs to be removed off the premises please”

Bricko didn’t understand at first, but then he rembered that with the jacket they thought he was the guard. He reached over and whispered something to the manager, all of a sudden the managers face went white.

Sheila continued her tirade on everything and anything she could think off “ And then I was thrown out on the streets, and physically assaulted and you wouldn’t help me and made me homeless”

The manager turned to Sheila “ Im so sorry for any inconvenience we have caused you, I will go and get your check straight way". Sheila stopped ranting and turned toward Bricko as the manager started to walk off “What did you say to him” She asked.

“Don’t you worry about what I said” Bricko smiled at Sheila.

Dingo and Kazza sat in the car and waited as Sheila and Bricko walked out of the office and got into the car. “Lets got to the Pub” Sheila said “ I GOT MY FUCKING DOLE CHECK “

So that brings the first season to a close.

If you want more Boganwood, drop us a  line at boganwood@hotmailc.om or come back and visit boganwood.com for the latest content.

Boganwood is also available on iTunes and Stitcher smart radio.

...............................................

Jimbos car sped up the road as a number of thoughts crossed his mind. How the fuck had they found Kazza, shit he had been dodging her for months ! It was time he stopped underestimating these fuckers, ever since he had been involved with Dingo and Bricko it had all started to turn to shit.

He tried to work through his next move

Should he move states ?

Should he keep running ?

She he just stay the fuck away from Bricko and DIngo ?

No fucking way, he thought as he made his way towards Centrelink. As he pulled into the car park, away from the crew sitting in Kazzas car. 

Jimbo watched as Sheila got back into the car with Bricko  waving around her dole check....

This was far from over he thought, and there was no way he was going to let them get one over on him again.

He quickly made his way to the pub and watched as they all got out of the car, cheering and yahooing ............... Jimbo watched in silence waiting for an opportunity to arise and thats when it happened........

Boganwood Episode 7

Welcome to Boganwood, (Au)stralia Canberra's forgotten suburb.

In today adventure, we jump straight back into the action and check back in on Dingo and Bricko as they tackle the problem that is Diesel and Jimbo……

We also found out what happened to Sheila

Sheila stared at what was in front of her, confused over the events that had just unfolded.

What the fuck was going on ?

What the fuck had Jimbo just done ? It all happened so fast she didn’t have the time to put the pieces together and now here she stood, trying to think of what her next move should be…….

.....Brinko and Dingo didn’t know what to do, they had to think quick.

Yeah Dingo had come up with a plan but that would take some time and that was something they surely didn’t have. Diesel grabbed Dingo from behind, spinning him around and hit him in the gut.

Bang !

“ What the fuck ! you fuckwit! don’t hit me mate !”

Diesel laughed as he went to hit him again, but this time Bricko launched…

“Stop this Shit !” Jimbo yelled at them. “ We need to start working out how we can get what is owed to us…

“These are the fuckers that rolled me” Diesel explained. 

“What the fuck drugs are you on you silly cunt ?” Bricko said to Diesel. 

“At the fucking club, you and your mate rolled me you bogan fuck !”

It was at this time that the realisation kicked in for both Dingo and Bricko as the realised who Diesel was for the first time. 

“ Your that cunt from the club that tried to man handle us that time”. 

“ You got a lucky punch on me, that’s all” Diesel said as he laid another boot into Dingo on the ground.

“Stop this shit” Jimbo yelled ! “ We can get to the revenge part, as soon as we discuss a few things”

“ What the fuck Jimbo, whats all this shit about ! And more to the point what have you done to fucking Sheila you dero fuck ?”

“I aint done nothing to Sheila” Jimbo said “ I dropped her off at … “

,.......“Fucking Centrelink” Sheila yelled at the top of her lungs ! 

The fucker Jimbo had dropped her off at Centrelink, what the fuck was going on she thought to herself ? 

How the fuck did this happen and what should she do next ? This is exactly where she wanted to be, but the feeling that something bad was about to happen kept creeping into Sheila. 

The choice as it stood to her was not a simple one

Either get the dole check ! Or go and save Dingo and Bricko from Jimbo ? What the fuck ?? This wasn’t even a choice in Sheila’s books, but she had to think of a plan ! Sheila walked into Centrelink passing a large amount of people standing in line……

.......“ You dropped her off at centrelink ? What the fuck plan is that you silly cunt ?”

Jimbo laughed “ I had no intention of hurting Sheila, she hasn’t hurt anyone…..much.

 But you guys owe me some money for that whole supermarket incident and it appears that you may also owe old Diesel a few things.”

Diesel kicked Dingo again and laughed

“Stop kicking me you cunt” Dingo mumbled as the pain hit him in the ribs.

“ You touch him again and I'm going to make you hurt princess” Bricko said to Diesel as he stared at him. Diesel smiled and kicked him again and Bricko was about to launch when Jimbo yelled 

“ ENOUGH !, What the fuck ??? are you children ? Cant you fuckers get control of yourselves ? We are here to discuss business and after I get what I want, Diesel you can get what you want”

“ Fair enough mate” Diesel said to Jimbo “ What did you want ?”

“Well for starters, I think I'm entitled to a bit of the pension so to speak with my busted leg and stuff and since you boys look like you had a good day, maybe I should take a small percentage” Jimbo said as he made his way up to the house. 

“ What did you make today ? Where’s the money” He said to Bricko.

It was at that moment that Dingo started to laugh.

“What the fuck are you laughing at ?” Jimbo said.

“Well Jimbo , it appears that we don’t have the money on us sorry”

“What do you mean, you don’t have it on you ?”

“Well, as we thought you had Sheila, we needed some of that collateral so we hid it around the back of your neighbors house on a couple of bikes we grabbed on the way here..”

“Well that is convenient” Jimbo said

“Yep” Dingo continued “ And we figured we could trade the money for Sheila, but as you don’t have her anymore… can we just trade the money for you guys to stop hurting us ?”

“Well that will depend on how much money is there ?”

“As it is Jimbo, the money is actually on a bucket attached to the bikes" Dingo continued “

 And if you were to take the bikes and the money you would have a nice little nest egg”

“ Now Dingo you wouldn’t be setting me up would you ?”

“Nah mate, we just want an end to this crap”

“Yeah, there’s something not right about it” JImbo said

“ Trust me mate, it aint my fault you busted your leg. That was an accident and I don’t want you to be disadvantaged any longer”

“ Well how does this sound ?, But I will take Bricko with me and you stay here with Diesel ??”

“Ok if you think that is a plan, then let’s do it” 

Bricko said as he made his way passed Jimbo and around the corner.

Jimbo followed as Diesel stared down at Dingo 

“ Now me and you can have some fun, Diesel said as he punched into Dingo”

Jimbo rounded the corner and he could smell something that wasn’t right. 

As he turned the corner away from Diesel view he could see the bikes standing upright in front of him, with the bucket attached to the handle.

He slowly made his way to the bikes calling out “ Hey Bricko, where the fuck are you ?”

The bikes were laying up against the neighbors house and as he moved forward he notice that there was glass on the ground, where a window had been smashed.

This was very weird and Bricko was still no where to be seen. None of it made sense and Jimbo decided to start walking back to his house when he heard the cop car coming down the street, sirens blazing….

Diesel laughed as he punched Dingo again. As he pulled his hand back for the punch, Bricko appeared out of no where and punched Diesel in the face! Diesel was stunned and didn’t have time to think as Dingo jumped up and stood above him

“ Now princess, you cant be hitting me like that “ Dingo said

“Now didn’t I warn you not to touch him again” Bricko asked ?

“ Pretty sure I did, but that’s something we can work out inside, as it going to get busy around here real fast”

Brinko, Dingo and Diesel entered the house to have another discussion with good old Diesel. Now I don’t think I need to go into too much detail, but lets just say he got what he deserved.

Dingo and Bricko walked out of the house, with Bricko sporting his nice new security jacket.

 

“I will get you fuckers !!!” Diesel yelled as they closed the door behind him.

They looked around for a mode of transport and there was Jimbos car in the driveway. As they started to make their way toward it, a police officer pulled up along side them “ Hello officer” Bricko said in his nice new jacket.

“We chased those guys that stole them bikes to the house next door” Bricko said

“ Thanks boys, let me know if you see anything suss” The officer said as he shot off down the road.

Bricko and Dingo laughed at the success of Dingo’s bright idea and continued to make their way to Jimbo’s car.

“We need to go get Sheila Bricko, she will be worried about us”

“Fuck yeah mate, we need to hurry up as well”

As they reached for the door to Jimbo’s car to get in, there was Jimbo sitting in the front seat and you thought he looked pissed before ? Well that wasn’t nothing to how he looked now

“Rule number one in Boganwood boys ! Don’t call the fucking cops” He yelled………………..

So that’s where we leave the boys for today with the pissed off Jimbo…. 

But that’s another story to be continued another day…….

Now it shouldn’t go without mention that Jimbo was right, that you should never call the cops in boganwood, but what he didn’t know was they didn’t..... the neighbours did it after someone threw a brick through their fucking window…  but that’s another story that will be continued another day......

Boganwood is a place of many adventures and things have way to work them selves out....

Come back to Boganwood to find the answer to the questions

What will happen to Dingo and Bricko ?

Did Sheila get her centrelink check ?

All will be answered in the next episodes and remember what they say in Boganwood…..

You can’t fuck your neighbor !