Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Saturday, 11 January 2014
Boganwood Season 2 Episode 4
Welcome to Boganwood Australia Canberra’s forgotten suburb
In today’s adventure we check back in on Sheila she is taken for a ride again but first we should catch up with Jimbo as he runs into a familiar friend
‘Diesel’ Jimbo yelled as he continued to get closer and closer to the police line up front.
‘Diesel’ he yelled again.
See Diesel wasn’t feeling the best, after being rolled by Dingo and Bricko.
He slowly turned his head toward the car and that’s when he saw Jimbo.
‘Jimbo ? Is that you’
‘I need a favour’ Jimbo yelled
‘Nah mate, Im not helping you anymore Im staying out of the shit’ Diesel continued as he made his way up road.
‘Fuck Diesel, what about if you had some of this’ Jimbo called out showing him a wad of cash.
‘What the fuck’ Diesel said as he started making his way toward the car.
‘All this could be yours’ Jimbo continued ‘If you will do me a small favour’ he continued.
The cars moved closer to the police. Jimbo’s car was only about 5 cars away from the line when Diesel reached the door.
‘I need you to take the cash’ Jimbo said.
‘You want me to take the cash?’ Diesel asked
‘Yes fuckstain’ he continued ‘I need you to take the cash and hide it until I get through this police line. After that’s done I will meet you at your place and we can split the money and I know how much is in there’ he said.
Now Diesel wasn’t the brightest cookie in the jar, but hell it was a lot of money he thought as he reached into the car and grab the bag of cash.
Smiling at his new found fortune he turned to Jimbo.
‘Ok mate, meet you at my place’ he said as he started walking back to his house.
Jimbo stared as Diesel walked off contemplating if he made the right choice giving Diesel the money as the line toward the police moved forward again he was now only 4 cars away from a search…….
‘What the fuck do you cunts want ?’ Sheila yelled from the back seat.
‘Shhhhh Sheila’ Pat said as they continued down the road. ‘We have someone that wants to meet you’ he said with a smile on his face.
‘ I aint doing nothing with youse’ she yelled “I am pregnant you dirty bastards, what have I ever dowe to anyone !!’ She continued in typical Sheila fashion raving and ranting as Rabbit and Pat wore the wraith of Sheila.
The car continued down the road as Sheila continued her abuse from the back seat, yelling every obscenity she could think of.
Pat turned to tell her to shut up when Sheila all of a sudden stopped.
‘Jesus Sheila, you took the money, all we want is the money’
‘Don’t know what you talking about’ Sheila said ‘But how’s about you give us a ciggie and I will shut up for youse’ she said.
That’s a great compromise Pat thought to himself as he reached into his pocket and threw her the pack.
Sheila reached into the pack and pulled out a ciggy and the lighter.
‘Now Sheila, not far to go and then when can start on about the money again’
‘I have no idea what your fucking talking about’ She said.
‘Yep we will get to that’ Pat said as they continued their way down the road………..
Dingo and Bricko got into the car with Micko as they made their way to the house.
The house itself wasn’t that far and they sat out the front looking at it trying to work out a plan to get inside and find what they were looking for and that’s when it happened……….
‘Ahhhhhhhh FUCK !’ Pat yelled as Sheila put the hot lighter into his neck.
Rabbit swerved but was able to control the car, that was until Sheila put the light cigarette into his cheek.
Rabbit slammed on the brakes.
Sheila started hitting Pat in the front seat.
She climbed into the front seat and continued punching his
“I’m fucking pregnant you fucks…..’ She yelled as she continued to hit both of with kicks and punches make her way for the door.
Both Rabbit and Pat were caught off guard and in the small enclosed area, they were unable to get control of the now feral Sheila.
Sheila opened the passenger and started to run.
Pat and Rabbit made their way out of the car trying to get control again.
Sheila ran into someones yard banging on the front door…..
“SHEILA !’ A voice yelled as she banged and banged on the door.
‘Help me I’m pregnant’ she yelled !
The front door opened and she barged her way in, locking the door behind her.
‘Thanks heaps lady, I’m pregnant and stuff’ She said.
‘Not a worry lovey’ Beryl smiled ‘I will go and call the cops for you’ she said as she made her way out the door with Sheila following.
……….
‘SHEILA’ Dingo yelled as he saw her run from the car.
Bricko grabbed him and held him down watching as Pat and Rabbit disorientated got out of the car and made their way into the yard.
‘wait a sec’ bricko yelled ‘This is some weird shit and we need to work out a plan’ he yelled as Dingo continued to thrash……….
‘Beryl hung up the phone’
‘There lovey, all sorted’ She said as she turned to sheila.
‘Would you like a cup of tea’ she said as she made her way to the fridge.
‘How about a fucking beer’ Sheila said.
‘Ok lovey I will just duck out and grab a drink from my fridge outside ‘she said as she unlocked the back door. As beryl unlocked it Pat and rabbit came inside smiling.
‘Where the fuck have you guys been’ Beryl said as Sheila came to the realisation that she was in trouble………
….. Just as Jimbo was making his way to the first police office all of the police raced back to their cars and took off. He laughed in relief as the traffic started to get back underway.
Money then out of town, he said as he turned back towards Diesels place………
Bricko and Dingo sat staring at the house.
They had Sheila.
What the fuck was going on ? They thought.
How they hell were they going to get her ?
What had she done to get into the house and why had Pat and Rabbit just walked in?
‘We can’t just walking in there’ Bricko said as they stared at the house.
Micko had left as soon as the shit hit the fan.
Bricko tried to work out a plan of attack.
They didn’t know what was going on, how where they going to get into the house ?
If they knew who Sheila was they were bound to know who Ding and Bricko were.
‘Ive got an idea’ Bricko said as he started to run up the street.
‘Where are we going’ Dingo yelled “we have to save Sheila’ he continued
“That’s exactly what are going do’ Bricko yelled as he continued up the road.
So thats where we leave Boganwood for today, with Sheila walking into a dangerous situation not realising that she is in far more trouble then she actually thinks.
So come back to find the answers to the questions
* What will happen to Sheila ?
* How nasty is Beryl really ?
* Why are Dingo and Brick running away from the house ?
Come back to Boganwood to find the answers to there questions and and more Season 2 of Boganwood continues and remember what they say in Bogawood…..
You cant live without the 3 B’s Boobs, burnouts and Beer !
In today’s adventure we check back in on Sheila she is taken for a ride again but first we should catch up with Jimbo as he runs into a familiar friend
‘Diesel’ Jimbo yelled as he continued to get closer and closer to the police line up front.
‘Diesel’ he yelled again.
See Diesel wasn’t feeling the best, after being rolled by Dingo and Bricko.
He slowly turned his head toward the car and that’s when he saw Jimbo.
‘Jimbo ? Is that you’
‘I need a favour’ Jimbo yelled
‘Nah mate, Im not helping you anymore Im staying out of the shit’ Diesel continued as he made his way up road.
‘Fuck Diesel, what about if you had some of this’ Jimbo called out showing him a wad of cash.
‘What the fuck’ Diesel said as he started making his way toward the car.
‘All this could be yours’ Jimbo continued ‘If you will do me a small favour’ he continued.
The cars moved closer to the police. Jimbo’s car was only about 5 cars away from the line when Diesel reached the door.
‘I need you to take the cash’ Jimbo said.
‘You want me to take the cash?’ Diesel asked
‘Yes fuckstain’ he continued ‘I need you to take the cash and hide it until I get through this police line. After that’s done I will meet you at your place and we can split the money and I know how much is in there’ he said.
Now Diesel wasn’t the brightest cookie in the jar, but hell it was a lot of money he thought as he reached into the car and grab the bag of cash.
Smiling at his new found fortune he turned to Jimbo.
‘Ok mate, meet you at my place’ he said as he started walking back to his house.
Jimbo stared as Diesel walked off contemplating if he made the right choice giving Diesel the money as the line toward the police moved forward again he was now only 4 cars away from a search…….
‘What the fuck do you cunts want ?’ Sheila yelled from the back seat.
‘Shhhhh Sheila’ Pat said as they continued down the road. ‘We have someone that wants to meet you’ he said with a smile on his face.
‘ I aint doing nothing with youse’ she yelled “I am pregnant you dirty bastards, what have I ever dowe to anyone !!’ She continued in typical Sheila fashion raving and ranting as Rabbit and Pat wore the wraith of Sheila.
The car continued down the road as Sheila continued her abuse from the back seat, yelling every obscenity she could think of.
Pat turned to tell her to shut up when Sheila all of a sudden stopped.
‘Jesus Sheila, you took the money, all we want is the money’
‘Don’t know what you talking about’ Sheila said ‘But how’s about you give us a ciggie and I will shut up for youse’ she said.
That’s a great compromise Pat thought to himself as he reached into his pocket and threw her the pack.
Sheila reached into the pack and pulled out a ciggy and the lighter.
‘Now Sheila, not far to go and then when can start on about the money again’
‘I have no idea what your fucking talking about’ She said.
‘Yep we will get to that’ Pat said as they continued their way down the road………..
Dingo and Bricko got into the car with Micko as they made their way to the house.
The house itself wasn’t that far and they sat out the front looking at it trying to work out a plan to get inside and find what they were looking for and that’s when it happened……….
‘Ahhhhhhhh FUCK !’ Pat yelled as Sheila put the hot lighter into his neck.
Rabbit swerved but was able to control the car, that was until Sheila put the light cigarette into his cheek.
Rabbit slammed on the brakes.
Sheila started hitting Pat in the front seat.
She climbed into the front seat and continued punching his
“I’m fucking pregnant you fucks…..’ She yelled as she continued to hit both of with kicks and punches make her way for the door.
Both Rabbit and Pat were caught off guard and in the small enclosed area, they were unable to get control of the now feral Sheila.
Sheila opened the passenger and started to run.
Pat and Rabbit made their way out of the car trying to get control again.
Sheila ran into someones yard banging on the front door…..
“SHEILA !’ A voice yelled as she banged and banged on the door.
‘Help me I’m pregnant’ she yelled !
The front door opened and she barged her way in, locking the door behind her.
‘Thanks heaps lady, I’m pregnant and stuff’ She said.
‘Not a worry lovey’ Beryl smiled ‘I will go and call the cops for you’ she said as she made her way out the door with Sheila following.
……….
‘SHEILA’ Dingo yelled as he saw her run from the car.
Bricko grabbed him and held him down watching as Pat and Rabbit disorientated got out of the car and made their way into the yard.
‘wait a sec’ bricko yelled ‘This is some weird shit and we need to work out a plan’ he yelled as Dingo continued to thrash……….
‘Beryl hung up the phone’
‘There lovey, all sorted’ She said as she turned to sheila.
‘Would you like a cup of tea’ she said as she made her way to the fridge.
‘How about a fucking beer’ Sheila said.
‘Ok lovey I will just duck out and grab a drink from my fridge outside ‘she said as she unlocked the back door. As beryl unlocked it Pat and rabbit came inside smiling.
‘Where the fuck have you guys been’ Beryl said as Sheila came to the realisation that she was in trouble………
….. Just as Jimbo was making his way to the first police office all of the police raced back to their cars and took off. He laughed in relief as the traffic started to get back underway.
Money then out of town, he said as he turned back towards Diesels place………
Bricko and Dingo sat staring at the house.
They had Sheila.
What the fuck was going on ? They thought.
How they hell were they going to get her ?
What had she done to get into the house and why had Pat and Rabbit just walked in?
‘We can’t just walking in there’ Bricko said as they stared at the house.
Micko had left as soon as the shit hit the fan.
Bricko tried to work out a plan of attack.
They didn’t know what was going on, how where they going to get into the house ?
If they knew who Sheila was they were bound to know who Ding and Bricko were.
‘Ive got an idea’ Bricko said as he started to run up the street.
‘Where are we going’ Dingo yelled “we have to save Sheila’ he continued
“That’s exactly what are going do’ Bricko yelled as he continued up the road.
So thats where we leave Boganwood for today, with Sheila walking into a dangerous situation not realising that she is in far more trouble then she actually thinks.
So come back to find the answers to the questions
* What will happen to Sheila ?
* How nasty is Beryl really ?
* Why are Dingo and Brick running away from the house ?
Come back to Boganwood to find the answers to there questions and and more Season 2 of Boganwood continues and remember what they say in Bogawood…..
You cant live without the 3 B’s Boobs, burnouts and Beer !
Boganwood Season 2 Episode 2
Welcome to Boganwood Australia, Canberras forgotten suburb.
In todays adventure we check back in on Sheila, Dingo, Kazza and Bricko as they make their way home after a big day and have themselves a bit of a shin dig.
“…….and then I said you owe me fucking money’ Sheila said to the car full of people. Bricko looked over at her ‘It just happened Sheila, we were there with you’. ‘Yeah I fucking know I was just saying Bricko ! God I’m pregnant you know, you should treat me better’ Bricko laughed at that and rolled his eyes at Dingo.
Dingo sat in the back of the car watching the interaction and hoping that Bricko didn’t stir up Sheila. He had to live with her and she could be hell if she didn’t get her way. He eagerly awaited the first drink as the made their way to the supermarket to grab some grog. As they came up to the store Bricko and Dingo turned to each other ….’Um we will stay in the car for this one Sheil’s’ Dingo said. ‘Fuck you’re a useless cunt, Dingo. I’m pregnant ! Hows am I meant to carry my goon bag and cigarettes in the condition I’m in ?’ Sheila asked. Bricko responded ‘Hey Kazza, can you give Sheils a hand…. Dingo and I should probably not go into the supermarket for a couple of weeks’ he continued as he looked over to Dingo with a smile on his face. ‘ Fucking useless’ Sheila yelled as she slammed the door. Kazza turned to the boy ‘Hey guys, I cant kick on tonight sorry. I have to go grab me kid from mum so I will have to drop you guys off and catch up with you later’ She said… Sheila called out ‘ Carn Kazza, I want some ciggies’.
‘All good’ Said Bricko. ‘We appreciate your help today and if you could drop us off at home after grabbing the drinks, we would be forever in your debt’ he smiled. ‘Thanks Bricko’ Kazza flirted as she raced off to stop Sheila from yelling in the back ground.
‘What the fuck was that ?’ Dingo asked. ‘That my friend is called flirting with a beautiful women, my friend’ Bricko said and Dingo started in on him. ‘It’s fucking something alright you fucking dick….oh I love you sweetheart….oh please come over my place so we can smoke bongs….’ Dingo started. ‘Leave it alone Dingo’ Bricko smiled but Dingo continued ‘ You don’t know romance until you meet a girl as classy as Sheila, Bricko’ Dingo said and Bricko couldn’t help himself ‘ Yeah I know what you mean mate, its not true love until you pregnant defacto threatens to glass someone for you’ he laughed and Dingo responded ‘Fucking oath mate, fucking oath’. They both laughed.
It was only a couple of minute before they heard the familiar rantings of Sheila as she left the supermarket yelling at the top of her lungs ‘I didn’t steal nothing you fuck, I’m pregnant you fucking perve…… I paid for these drinks’ she continued as she jumped into the front seat. Kazza jumped in beside her looking flustered as Sheila reached into her tracky daks and pulled out two goon bags…..
‘Fucking accuse me of stealing’ she said and Kazza placed the bought items next to the stolen items and they continued on to Sheilas place……
The leader ‘Pat’ pulled up the front of the house and sad idle in the drive way.
‘Beryls pissed mate’ he said to Rabbit.
‘She nots someone I want on my bad side…..Ive heard some truly frightening stories’ Rabbit responded as they turned on the radio and waited for Kazza to turn up with Sheila, Bricko and Dingo. Rabbit reached over and turned on the radio
‘Police are looking for three men that robbed a local club in Canberra today. After about 5pm this afternoon, three masked men walked into a club armed and demanding money from the reception and bar staff. In their attempt to leave the premises one of the men stumbled and fell into an ATM, injury his leg. The police are on the looking for 3 middle aged males, one with an injured leg and they ask that you do not approach them as they are armed and suspected to be dangerous. They were last seen heading south, in a Holden Commodore…..’. Rabbit and Pat looked at each other ‘Fuck’ they said at the same time. ‘We need to ditch the car’ Pat said.
They quickly started the car and pulled out of the street at the same time that Kazza approached from the opposite side.
‘So since Kazza is piking’ Sheila started ‘ What the plans ?’
‘Well, they are the same as originally planned’ Bricko responded.
‘Yeah but who are you gonna root ?’ She responded.
Bricko was startled by the question.
‘I might be pregnant Bricko, but I aint fucking stupid’ Sheila smiled.
‘ I don’t know what your talking about’ Bricko stumbled.
“you fucking do, you dirty fuck’ Sheila continued.
“ I saw the way you was looking at her and let me tell you she is keen for it as well’ Sheila looked over at Kazza who was now bright red in the face ‘Fuck me Sheila’
‘Not on your fucking life’ Sheila smiled at Bricko. “I is pregnant with my mans baby’ She said as she smiled at Dingo. Kazza sat in silence as she stopped out the front of the house.
Sheila, Dingo and Bricko jumped out of the car passing on their thanks.
Bricko remained behind as Dingo pulled Sheila toward the house
‘ Don’t root her out the front, Bricko ! Women need some love and care, you should take her to dinner at Red Rooter or something’ She continued as Dingo put his hand over her mouth…..
Bricko stared as Sheila she was dragged into the house and stayed to talk to her.
Dingo opened the front door and pulled Sheila into it.
‘Fuckin Hell Sheila, that was real tactfull of ya. Leave the poor cunt alone’ he said as Sheila stared out the front window. ‘ Stick it in her you romantic fuck !’ She yelled banging on the window and at that Kazza pulled away leaving Bricko walking toward the house.
Bricko walked in the door and stared at Sheila, he thought to himself that even trying to explain to Sheila how inappropriate that was would only fall on deaf ears so he quickly said.
‘Hey Sheils, go get the bong…. I need some pot’
Sheila didn’t think twice as she raced out of the room.
Dingo and Bricko made their way out to the clothes line pegging a goon bag on each of the four corners.
Each corner had a chair placed under it and they sat down waiting for Sheila to return.
Now this was a common game for people of Australia and Boganwood. The rules were simple you spun the clothes line until it stopped and whichever corner you sat on you got whatever shot was inside. The trick was that one of the corners had lolly water under it ‘Sambucca’ which was a liquorice flavoured goon bag and it wasn’t something you wanted to mix with the other wine and ock sucking cowboy bags…..
If you were the first the spew then you would never live it down. See in Boganwood a unique Fad had been created where a picture of you naked was posted on every community board in the city as punishment for losing the game and no one wanted to lose it. The boys sat in the chair preparing themselves for a big night as Sheila raced out the back door.
‘Fucking hell, we have run out of pot’ she said with a stoned look in her eyes.’ We need some more before we fucking start’ she continued and Bricko and Dingo looked at each other. ‘ I’m guessing Bricko and I should be going then to get some then ?’ Dingo asked Sheila. ‘Well I’m fucking pregnant, and cat go, plus Im sure it was you that smoked the last of it’ She yelled. ‘I’m sure it was’ Bricko smiled at Dingo as they got up and made their way to their local dealer….
When would this day fucking end … they thought as they walked up the street.
Sheila pulled out the last of the dope and lit her bong taking the moments peace as someone walked into the back yard. She stared at the people thinking it was Bricko and Dingo back and they had forgotten something. She quickly put the bong down as the figures moved closer and she realised it wasn’t Bricko or Dingo…….
She exhaled the hit
‘What the fuck ? Did the postman finally decide to bring my fucking Centrelink cheque’ she said as the figure moved closer and that when she realised she was in trouble…… again…….
So that where we leave Sheila and the boys as the never ending day continues to get from bad to worse….. but things have a way of working themselves out in Boganwood. Both the good, the bad and definitely the bogan…..
Come back to Boganwood to find the answers to the question
* What will happen to Sheila ?
* Is love blossoming for the budding romantic Bricko ?
* And why the fuck is the postman at Sheilas house ?
All this will be answered and more in the continuation of Boganwood Season 2
In todays adventure we check back in on Sheila, Dingo, Kazza and Bricko as they make their way home after a big day and have themselves a bit of a shin dig.
“…….and then I said you owe me fucking money’ Sheila said to the car full of people. Bricko looked over at her ‘It just happened Sheila, we were there with you’. ‘Yeah I fucking know I was just saying Bricko ! God I’m pregnant you know, you should treat me better’ Bricko laughed at that and rolled his eyes at Dingo.
Dingo sat in the back of the car watching the interaction and hoping that Bricko didn’t stir up Sheila. He had to live with her and she could be hell if she didn’t get her way. He eagerly awaited the first drink as the made their way to the supermarket to grab some grog. As they came up to the store Bricko and Dingo turned to each other ….’Um we will stay in the car for this one Sheil’s’ Dingo said. ‘Fuck you’re a useless cunt, Dingo. I’m pregnant ! Hows am I meant to carry my goon bag and cigarettes in the condition I’m in ?’ Sheila asked. Bricko responded ‘Hey Kazza, can you give Sheils a hand…. Dingo and I should probably not go into the supermarket for a couple of weeks’ he continued as he looked over to Dingo with a smile on his face. ‘ Fucking useless’ Sheila yelled as she slammed the door. Kazza turned to the boy ‘Hey guys, I cant kick on tonight sorry. I have to go grab me kid from mum so I will have to drop you guys off and catch up with you later’ She said… Sheila called out ‘ Carn Kazza, I want some ciggies’.
‘All good’ Said Bricko. ‘We appreciate your help today and if you could drop us off at home after grabbing the drinks, we would be forever in your debt’ he smiled. ‘Thanks Bricko’ Kazza flirted as she raced off to stop Sheila from yelling in the back ground.
‘What the fuck was that ?’ Dingo asked. ‘That my friend is called flirting with a beautiful women, my friend’ Bricko said and Dingo started in on him. ‘It’s fucking something alright you fucking dick….oh I love you sweetheart….oh please come over my place so we can smoke bongs….’ Dingo started. ‘Leave it alone Dingo’ Bricko smiled but Dingo continued ‘ You don’t know romance until you meet a girl as classy as Sheila, Bricko’ Dingo said and Bricko couldn’t help himself ‘ Yeah I know what you mean mate, its not true love until you pregnant defacto threatens to glass someone for you’ he laughed and Dingo responded ‘Fucking oath mate, fucking oath’. They both laughed.
It was only a couple of minute before they heard the familiar rantings of Sheila as she left the supermarket yelling at the top of her lungs ‘I didn’t steal nothing you fuck, I’m pregnant you fucking perve…… I paid for these drinks’ she continued as she jumped into the front seat. Kazza jumped in beside her looking flustered as Sheila reached into her tracky daks and pulled out two goon bags…..
‘Fucking accuse me of stealing’ she said and Kazza placed the bought items next to the stolen items and they continued on to Sheilas place……
The leader ‘Pat’ pulled up the front of the house and sad idle in the drive way.
‘Beryls pissed mate’ he said to Rabbit.
‘She nots someone I want on my bad side…..Ive heard some truly frightening stories’ Rabbit responded as they turned on the radio and waited for Kazza to turn up with Sheila, Bricko and Dingo. Rabbit reached over and turned on the radio
‘Police are looking for three men that robbed a local club in Canberra today. After about 5pm this afternoon, three masked men walked into a club armed and demanding money from the reception and bar staff. In their attempt to leave the premises one of the men stumbled and fell into an ATM, injury his leg. The police are on the looking for 3 middle aged males, one with an injured leg and they ask that you do not approach them as they are armed and suspected to be dangerous. They were last seen heading south, in a Holden Commodore…..’. Rabbit and Pat looked at each other ‘Fuck’ they said at the same time. ‘We need to ditch the car’ Pat said.
They quickly started the car and pulled out of the street at the same time that Kazza approached from the opposite side.
‘So since Kazza is piking’ Sheila started ‘ What the plans ?’
‘Well, they are the same as originally planned’ Bricko responded.
‘Yeah but who are you gonna root ?’ She responded.
Bricko was startled by the question.
‘I might be pregnant Bricko, but I aint fucking stupid’ Sheila smiled.
‘ I don’t know what your talking about’ Bricko stumbled.
“you fucking do, you dirty fuck’ Sheila continued.
“ I saw the way you was looking at her and let me tell you she is keen for it as well’ Sheila looked over at Kazza who was now bright red in the face ‘Fuck me Sheila’
‘Not on your fucking life’ Sheila smiled at Bricko. “I is pregnant with my mans baby’ She said as she smiled at Dingo. Kazza sat in silence as she stopped out the front of the house.
Sheila, Dingo and Bricko jumped out of the car passing on their thanks.
Bricko remained behind as Dingo pulled Sheila toward the house
‘ Don’t root her out the front, Bricko ! Women need some love and care, you should take her to dinner at Red Rooter or something’ She continued as Dingo put his hand over her mouth…..
Bricko stared as Sheila she was dragged into the house and stayed to talk to her.
Dingo opened the front door and pulled Sheila into it.
‘Fuckin Hell Sheila, that was real tactfull of ya. Leave the poor cunt alone’ he said as Sheila stared out the front window. ‘ Stick it in her you romantic fuck !’ She yelled banging on the window and at that Kazza pulled away leaving Bricko walking toward the house.
Bricko walked in the door and stared at Sheila, he thought to himself that even trying to explain to Sheila how inappropriate that was would only fall on deaf ears so he quickly said.
‘Hey Sheils, go get the bong…. I need some pot’
Sheila didn’t think twice as she raced out of the room.
Dingo and Bricko made their way out to the clothes line pegging a goon bag on each of the four corners.
Each corner had a chair placed under it and they sat down waiting for Sheila to return.
Now this was a common game for people of Australia and Boganwood. The rules were simple you spun the clothes line until it stopped and whichever corner you sat on you got whatever shot was inside. The trick was that one of the corners had lolly water under it ‘Sambucca’ which was a liquorice flavoured goon bag and it wasn’t something you wanted to mix with the other wine and ock sucking cowboy bags…..
If you were the first the spew then you would never live it down. See in Boganwood a unique Fad had been created where a picture of you naked was posted on every community board in the city as punishment for losing the game and no one wanted to lose it. The boys sat in the chair preparing themselves for a big night as Sheila raced out the back door.
‘Fucking hell, we have run out of pot’ she said with a stoned look in her eyes.’ We need some more before we fucking start’ she continued and Bricko and Dingo looked at each other. ‘ I’m guessing Bricko and I should be going then to get some then ?’ Dingo asked Sheila. ‘Well I’m fucking pregnant, and cat go, plus Im sure it was you that smoked the last of it’ She yelled. ‘I’m sure it was’ Bricko smiled at Dingo as they got up and made their way to their local dealer….
When would this day fucking end … they thought as they walked up the street.
Sheila pulled out the last of the dope and lit her bong taking the moments peace as someone walked into the back yard. She stared at the people thinking it was Bricko and Dingo back and they had forgotten something. She quickly put the bong down as the figures moved closer and she realised it wasn’t Bricko or Dingo…….
She exhaled the hit
‘What the fuck ? Did the postman finally decide to bring my fucking Centrelink cheque’ she said as the figure moved closer and that when she realised she was in trouble…… again…….
So that where we leave Sheila and the boys as the never ending day continues to get from bad to worse….. but things have a way of working themselves out in Boganwood. Both the good, the bad and definitely the bogan…..
Come back to Boganwood to find the answers to the question
* What will happen to Sheila ?
* Is love blossoming for the budding romantic Bricko ?
* And why the fuck is the postman at Sheilas house ?
All this will be answered and more in the continuation of Boganwood Season 2
Boganwood Season 2 Episode 1
Welcome to Boganwood Australia’s Canberra Forgotten suburb
In today’s adventure we get back into the action as we follow Dingo, Bricko and Sheila into the local pub for a few celebratory drinks after finally getting Sheila’s Centrelink cheque.........
Jimbos car sped up the road as a number of thoughts crossed his mind. How the fuck had they found Kazza, shit he had been dodging her for months! It was time he stopped underestimating these fuckers, ever since he had been involved with Dingo and Bricko it had all started to turn to shit.
He tried to work through his next move
Should he move states?
Should he keep running?
Should he just stay the fuck away from Bricko and Dingo ?
No fucking way, he thought as he made his way towards Centrelink. He pulled into the car park, away from the crew sitting in Kazzas car.
Jimbo watched as Sheila got back into the car with Bricko waving around her dole check....
This was far from over he thought, and there was no way he was going to let them get one over on him again. He followed them at a distance on their way to the pub and watched as they all got out of the car, cheering and yahooing............... He watched in silence waiting for an opportunity to arise.
Sheila turned to Bricko ‘So what the fuck did you say to that Centrelink Cunt?’
‘Don’t you worry your sweet head about it Sheila, it’s not something you need to know’ Bricko smiled. ‘Well I don’t fucking care I guess, but it’s time to get some fucking drinking action on’ continued Sheila ‘and then it’s back to our place for some goon bag roulette and a hit of the old faithful bong’
Dingo watched the interaction from behind and couldn’t shake the feeling that everything had been wrapped up in a nice little bow, as usually happens in Boganwood…. Things just have a way of working themselves out …. And that’s when it happened...........
‘ Get the fuck out of the way a masked man yelled running from the pubs open doors, holding a bag and making a B line for the cars. Dingo didn’t know what to do so he quickly moved out of the way as behind the mask man, were another 2 men running with balaclavas on their heads.
The man in the lead didn’t get clear of Dingo quick enough so he dropped his shoulder into him and knocked him over. Sheila started yelling ‘What the fuck are you doing to strange cunt! Get them Bricko, they hurt me love of me life’
Bricko turned as another man ran past him sticking his leg out and knocking him into an ATM. There was a crack and scream so loud it drained out the Bogan ranting of Sheila for just a moment. ‘My fucking leg’ the masked man yelled, the first guy turned back to find one of his men on the ground and he yelled.
‘Grab him for fuck sake and hurry the pigs are on their way’ Bricko raced over to help Dingo up as the masked men helped their friend to his feet screaming and yelling. ‘You fucking Bogans, What the fuck have you done?’ he continued yelling as they made their way through the door.
As the masked man raced out into the car park, Bricko raced over to Dingo.
‘Due to the recent robbery the club will be closing’ an announcement came in over the loud speaker.
‘We ask that all patrons please remain on the premises until the police arrive to take your statements’
‘Fuckin hell’ Sheila yelled. ‘Just because you stupid cunts, can’t hold your money we have to get punished. I’m pregnant you know! Fuck youse all I’m going home to smoke a bong and lighting something on fire’ She yelled as Bricko, Dingo, Sheila and Kazza made their way out of the pub.
Jimbo watched everything that was occurring. He was already out of his car making his way to Kazzas car when the masked men raced over and opened the door to a car next to him.
‘What do you mean you dropped the fucking ignition keys’ The masked man yelled.
‘For fuck sake you stupid cunt, where did you drop them’
‘It was when the fucking Bogans knocked me over’ he cried in pain holding his leg.
‘Hey Rabbit’ the leader called over the car.
‘We need to go back in and get them, help me throw him in the car’ he said as they opened the door and threw the injured man into, throwing the bag of money into the front seat.
The 2 masked men raced back into the pub as Sheila Bricko and Dingo reached Kazza’s car.
‘You owe me money, you stupid fucks’ Sheila yelled over to them. ‘I was gonna win it big on the pokie machine tonite’ She continued as the masked men made their way back into the pub.
The masked men glanced over but decided to ignore her as they raced back into the club looking for the keys.
‘Lets go fucking home, today’s been a bastard of a day and I need a bong hit’ Sheila said to the rest of the Crew. ‘ Sheila I definitely agree with that statement’ Bricko said ‘Considering the cops are on the way and after the day we had, it would be best we head home’ he continued as Kazza started the car and headed towards Sheila and Dingos place.
Jimbo slowly made his way back to his car. It was hard work you know with the busted leg ….. Oh yeah and the bag full of money he had taken from the front seat of the car.
‘Well old Jimbo is about to come out on top’ he said to no one in particular as he got into his car and laughed to himself watching as Dingo, Bricko, Kazza and Sheila sped off. Jimbo started his car and started to drive out of town…. Finally getting away and getting exactly what he deserved……right?
‘There they are’ the masked men yelled as they grabbed the keys sitting next to the ATM and raced back out to the car as the police car sirens headed around the corner. ‘Get in the car’ he yelled. The masked men raced off just as the police rounded the corner and made their way to the club. In their haste they didn’t realise that something important was missing…. No not the unconscious friend in the back of the car…. The bag of money people…..keep up.
It was a couple of minutes up the road, after arguing about where they were going to hide, that they realised the cash wasn’t in the car.
‘Where the fuck is the money’ The leader yelled
‘I was with you, what do you mean where is the money?’ His mate responded as the leader slammed on the brakes racing around to the back door and slapping his mate with the busted leg awake…’ Where’s the money dickhead’ he yelled over and over again as his mate slipped in and out on consciousness. ‘The fucking money, you fucking IDIOT!’ He yelled and he started to slap him harder and harder…….
‘The Bogans, it was the Bogans that did it….’ He mumbled.
‘What do you mean the Bogans!’
‘What Fucking Bogans?’
His mate passed out again and thats when he put it together…. Or so he thought. Sheila said she would get their money and must have taken the chance whilst they were in the pub…..
‘Fucking Sheila!!!!!’ He yelled out loud as he jumped back into the front seat.
‘I know where she fucking lives’ he yelled to Rabbit who sat in the front seat and started the car up, heading toward Sheila and Dingos place.
Meanwhile across town…….The phone rang, once, twice, three times before it was answered.
‘Hello, this is Beryl how many I help you?’ She asked into the phone listening intently at the person on the other end……
‘Oh hello lovely, and how did you go ? are you ok ? When can I expect my present ??’ Beryl paused waiting for a response……
‘What do you mean you lost the fucking money?’ She yelled
‘What do you mean Sheila has the fucking money!’ She yelled again
‘Get my fucking money Pat or we will have a problem, and you know how I feel about problems!’ She yelled slamming down the phone ……..
“Fucking Sheila….I wants my fucking Club Money!’ Beryl yelled….
So that’s where we leave Sheila, Dingo and Bricko as they head into a big amount of danger. But let’s face it, it’s all a misunderstanding and Beryl seems to be the compassionate type, right?
Well only time will tell.
So come back to Boganwood to find the answers to the questions
* What will happen to Bricko, Dingo and Sheila?
* How the fuck did Jimbo get so lucky?
* And who the fuck is ‘Pat’?
Come back to Boganwood, Canberra’s forgotten suburb and all this will be answered and more in season 2 and remember what they say in Boganwood…
‘Fosters ! Who the fuck drinks that warm camels piss ??’
In today’s adventure we get back into the action as we follow Dingo, Bricko and Sheila into the local pub for a few celebratory drinks after finally getting Sheila’s Centrelink cheque.........
Jimbos car sped up the road as a number of thoughts crossed his mind. How the fuck had they found Kazza, shit he had been dodging her for months! It was time he stopped underestimating these fuckers, ever since he had been involved with Dingo and Bricko it had all started to turn to shit.
He tried to work through his next move
Should he move states?
Should he keep running?
Should he just stay the fuck away from Bricko and Dingo ?
No fucking way, he thought as he made his way towards Centrelink. He pulled into the car park, away from the crew sitting in Kazzas car.
Jimbo watched as Sheila got back into the car with Bricko waving around her dole check....
This was far from over he thought, and there was no way he was going to let them get one over on him again. He followed them at a distance on their way to the pub and watched as they all got out of the car, cheering and yahooing............... He watched in silence waiting for an opportunity to arise.
Sheila turned to Bricko ‘So what the fuck did you say to that Centrelink Cunt?’
‘Don’t you worry your sweet head about it Sheila, it’s not something you need to know’ Bricko smiled. ‘Well I don’t fucking care I guess, but it’s time to get some fucking drinking action on’ continued Sheila ‘and then it’s back to our place for some goon bag roulette and a hit of the old faithful bong’
Dingo watched the interaction from behind and couldn’t shake the feeling that everything had been wrapped up in a nice little bow, as usually happens in Boganwood…. Things just have a way of working themselves out …. And that’s when it happened...........
‘ Get the fuck out of the way a masked man yelled running from the pubs open doors, holding a bag and making a B line for the cars. Dingo didn’t know what to do so he quickly moved out of the way as behind the mask man, were another 2 men running with balaclavas on their heads.
The man in the lead didn’t get clear of Dingo quick enough so he dropped his shoulder into him and knocked him over. Sheila started yelling ‘What the fuck are you doing to strange cunt! Get them Bricko, they hurt me love of me life’
Bricko turned as another man ran past him sticking his leg out and knocking him into an ATM. There was a crack and scream so loud it drained out the Bogan ranting of Sheila for just a moment. ‘My fucking leg’ the masked man yelled, the first guy turned back to find one of his men on the ground and he yelled.
‘Grab him for fuck sake and hurry the pigs are on their way’ Bricko raced over to help Dingo up as the masked men helped their friend to his feet screaming and yelling. ‘You fucking Bogans, What the fuck have you done?’ he continued yelling as they made their way through the door.
As the masked man raced out into the car park, Bricko raced over to Dingo.
‘Due to the recent robbery the club will be closing’ an announcement came in over the loud speaker.
‘We ask that all patrons please remain on the premises until the police arrive to take your statements’
‘Fuckin hell’ Sheila yelled. ‘Just because you stupid cunts, can’t hold your money we have to get punished. I’m pregnant you know! Fuck youse all I’m going home to smoke a bong and lighting something on fire’ She yelled as Bricko, Dingo, Sheila and Kazza made their way out of the pub.
Jimbo watched everything that was occurring. He was already out of his car making his way to Kazzas car when the masked men raced over and opened the door to a car next to him.
‘What do you mean you dropped the fucking ignition keys’ The masked man yelled.
‘For fuck sake you stupid cunt, where did you drop them’
‘It was when the fucking Bogans knocked me over’ he cried in pain holding his leg.
‘Hey Rabbit’ the leader called over the car.
‘We need to go back in and get them, help me throw him in the car’ he said as they opened the door and threw the injured man into, throwing the bag of money into the front seat.
The 2 masked men raced back into the pub as Sheila Bricko and Dingo reached Kazza’s car.
‘You owe me money, you stupid fucks’ Sheila yelled over to them. ‘I was gonna win it big on the pokie machine tonite’ She continued as the masked men made their way back into the pub.
The masked men glanced over but decided to ignore her as they raced back into the club looking for the keys.
‘Lets go fucking home, today’s been a bastard of a day and I need a bong hit’ Sheila said to the rest of the Crew. ‘ Sheila I definitely agree with that statement’ Bricko said ‘Considering the cops are on the way and after the day we had, it would be best we head home’ he continued as Kazza started the car and headed towards Sheila and Dingos place.
Jimbo slowly made his way back to his car. It was hard work you know with the busted leg ….. Oh yeah and the bag full of money he had taken from the front seat of the car.
‘Well old Jimbo is about to come out on top’ he said to no one in particular as he got into his car and laughed to himself watching as Dingo, Bricko, Kazza and Sheila sped off. Jimbo started his car and started to drive out of town…. Finally getting away and getting exactly what he deserved……right?
‘There they are’ the masked men yelled as they grabbed the keys sitting next to the ATM and raced back out to the car as the police car sirens headed around the corner. ‘Get in the car’ he yelled. The masked men raced off just as the police rounded the corner and made their way to the club. In their haste they didn’t realise that something important was missing…. No not the unconscious friend in the back of the car…. The bag of money people…..keep up.
It was a couple of minutes up the road, after arguing about where they were going to hide, that they realised the cash wasn’t in the car.
‘Where the fuck is the money’ The leader yelled
‘I was with you, what do you mean where is the money?’ His mate responded as the leader slammed on the brakes racing around to the back door and slapping his mate with the busted leg awake…’ Where’s the money dickhead’ he yelled over and over again as his mate slipped in and out on consciousness. ‘The fucking money, you fucking IDIOT!’ He yelled and he started to slap him harder and harder…….
‘The Bogans, it was the Bogans that did it….’ He mumbled.
‘What do you mean the Bogans!’
‘What Fucking Bogans?’
His mate passed out again and thats when he put it together…. Or so he thought. Sheila said she would get their money and must have taken the chance whilst they were in the pub…..
‘Fucking Sheila!!!!!’ He yelled out loud as he jumped back into the front seat.
‘I know where she fucking lives’ he yelled to Rabbit who sat in the front seat and started the car up, heading toward Sheila and Dingos place.
Meanwhile across town…….The phone rang, once, twice, three times before it was answered.
‘Hello, this is Beryl how many I help you?’ She asked into the phone listening intently at the person on the other end……
‘Oh hello lovely, and how did you go ? are you ok ? When can I expect my present ??’ Beryl paused waiting for a response……
‘What do you mean you lost the fucking money?’ She yelled
‘What do you mean Sheila has the fucking money!’ She yelled again
‘Get my fucking money Pat or we will have a problem, and you know how I feel about problems!’ She yelled slamming down the phone ……..
“Fucking Sheila….I wants my fucking Club Money!’ Beryl yelled….
So that’s where we leave Sheila, Dingo and Bricko as they head into a big amount of danger. But let’s face it, it’s all a misunderstanding and Beryl seems to be the compassionate type, right?
Well only time will tell.
So come back to Boganwood to find the answers to the questions
* What will happen to Bricko, Dingo and Sheila?
* How the fuck did Jimbo get so lucky?
* And who the fuck is ‘Pat’?
Come back to Boganwood, Canberra’s forgotten suburb and all this will be answered and more in season 2 and remember what they say in Boganwood…
‘Fosters ! Who the fuck drinks that warm camels piss ??’
Monday, 5 August 2013
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
Boganwood Episode 6
Welcome to Boganwood, (Au)stralia, Canberra’s the forgotten suburb.
In today’s adventure we jump straight
back into the action as Sheila and Jimbo drive towards the undisclosed
location, check back in on Dingo and Bricko as they race towards Jimbo
house…….
The car continues to make its way down the street as Shelia turned to Jimbo.
“Alright Jimbo, I get the point…..we did you wrong and we need to put things right”
Jimbo smiled and reached down and put an old Jimmy
Barnes tape into the tape deck he had installed himself. Sheila kept
watching him trying to discuss the issue at hand
“Jimbo, I get your pissed. But how is it my fault ? I didn’t even do nufing….” Jimbo continued to drive…..
…….Meanwhile Bricko and Dingo continued up the road
running after the car, looking for a mode of transport to get to
Jimbo’s place quicker. As they continue their way up the road, they saw
two cyclists riding past in the bike lane and that’s when a plan kicked
into Brickos mind.
“Hey Dingo, I got me a plan follow me…..” Bricko
yelled as he continued to run. As they made their way toward the next
set of traffic lights, Bricko stopped and grabbed Dingo….
“What the fuck Bricko, we have to get Sheila….”
Dingo yelled “ She the love of my life, we have been together since we
was 12” he continued.
Bricko caught his breathe and jumped in “Stop Dingo mate, I need you to trust me” he stood and waiting for the traffic light to turn red.
Dingo stopped ranting for a moment and watched
Bricko as he started to wash windows. “ Theres no fucking time” Dingo
yelled ! “ But Bricko continued washing the windows as two cyclists made
their way to the traffic lights. Now anyone that knows cyclists that
ride on the road knows that the road rules only apply to them when it’s
convenient and a red light was not something they were going to stop
for.
Bricko placed himself next to a car that sat along
the bicycle path and as the cyclist were about to drive past, he opened
the driver’s side door !
BANG !
Both cyclists ran into the door and fell of their bikes
The driver was in shock !
The riders were in shock !
Bricko was far from being in shock, he yelled at Dingo “ Come one mate, we are in a hurry!”
Dingo stood startled at what had just happened, but
quickly made his way towards the now vacant bikes. Bricko grabbed the
first one, and started to get onto it as drivers started to get out of
their cars to look after the hurt cyclists. Dingo grabbed the second
bike, but felt he should say something to the now injured cyclists
“A red light means stop fuck wit!, ride on the roads ! Obey the fucking rules”
He grabbed a handful of change and threw it at them “We just bought your bikes…half prices cause they are dented”
Bricko laughed as he started to ride off thinking
of the backward logic he had used to acquire the perfectly rideable
dented bikes and Dingo followed. As they continued down to Jimbo’s place
riding their bikes a small crowd had gathered around the driver (who
was still in shock) and the 2 cyclists who were perfectly alright except
for their ego…… oh yeah and the fact they didn’t have bikes….
Bricko and Dingo kept riding as they made their way
through the pathways and crossroad to get through to Jimbos place
making great pace…….
As Jimbo kept driving as Sheila kept yelling at him
“You said you wanted to talk ! Now talk !!”. Jimbo kept singing and
reached across to turn the stereo off.
He turned to Sheila “ Now Sheila, Don’t be like
that. I haven’t done anything to hurt you unlike the other 2 idiots you
hang out with”
Sheila continued to rant trying to
work out what she would do to escape this position. “ Jesus Jimbo, what
the fuck ! How is this shit my fault ? You know I’m pregnant and stuff
don’t you ?? “
“Well Sheila, I’m thinking that may be debateable but, you would know best as you usually do “
“ Yeah but what about letting me go ? Why can’t you just pull over and let me out ??”
“ Well that’s because I have a wee bit of a plan I need your help with”
“What fucking plan you dero fuck !”
“ You will see Sheila” Jimbo quickly spun the wheel
on the car crossing over the lanes and driving every faster “ This part
of the story is over for the likes of you Sheila !” Jimbo laughed with a
weird look in his eyes as he continued to drive faster and faster.
As this was occurring Jimbo and Bricko were making
great time and were only moments away from Jimbos place. So they decided
they should discuss their tactic before reaching his house and stopped
riding.
“ Alright what’s the plan of attack” Dingo asked Bricko
“ Well he has a busted leg, and he isn’t known for
using weapons so I think he may just want a cut of our window washing
business”
“ Yep, Bricko, I know you’re the thinking man… but maybe your shouldn’t call it our Window washing business in front of him?”
“ Shit your right, that could be our negotiating
point. It’s weird really, we gave him the thing he wanted, and
opportunity to sue the supermarket and he is after us ?”
“ Yep I agree it don’t make no sense Bricko. But we need a plan”
“ Ok well I need to think clearly” Bricko said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a joint.
“ I like you’re thinking” Dingo said as he waited
for Bricko to light the joint. Bricko took a puff and handed it to Dingo
and as Dingo put the joint to his mouth and that when came up with a
plan of attack…
……Jimbo slammed on the breaks as Sheila stared out the window in shock !
“ Your fucking kidding me” she yelled at Jimbo
“Nope Sheila, sorry this is the end for you”
Jimbo said as he reached across the car
……
Bricko and Dingo pulled their newly acquired bikes
up to Jimbos place, but his car was nowhere to be seen. They looked
around the yard…. Where was he ?
They walked around the house and couldn’t see a door or window open…
Bricko looked through the window and saw movement
“The fuckers in there! quick!” Bricko yelled as he
ran toward the front door of the house. He started banging and yelling
through the door.
“Let me in !, Let her out” Both Dingo and Brick
yelled getting ready to charge down the door. As they continued to yell
and scream they didn’t realise that Jimbo had pulled up in his car and
started to get out.
Bricko and Dingo continued to yell, as Jimbo started to walk up behind them……
Jimbo yelled
“ Hello boys”
Dingo and Bricko turned around to see Jimbo holding
Sheila cigarette lighter in his hand lighting a ciggie. It was only a
matter of moment before the boys realised, Sheila was no longer in the
Car !
As these thoughts were digesting, the front door to the house opened and another person step out… Jimbo smiled
“ Boys it about time we have a chat”
“Where the fuck is Sheila! You Cunt” Dingo yelled
“She has been taken ‘good’ care of” Jimbo smiled in a strange way
“Have you met me mate ?”
“ Hello boys, remember me ? “ Diesel said………….
So that’s where we leave Bricko and
Dingo for today after they finally make it to Jimbos place only to meet
yet another obstacle…. But that’s the story we will continuing another
day……. Boganwood is a place of many adventures and things have a
tendency to work itself out and in recent events they have taken a
serious turn towards the bad element…. Come back to Boganwood to find
the answer to the questions
What happened to Sheila ?
How is Jimbo going to seek his revenge for the incidents that unfolded ?
Why is Diesel at Jimbos place ? and
Where are to cops while all this is going on ??
All will be answered in the next episodes and remember what they say to their kids in Bogan wood…..
Don’t you fucken swear you little shit !
Monday, 4 February 2013
Boganwood - The Audio Version
Hello Boganwood fans
To get full Boganwood there is also an audio version available on iTunes
Click here
https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/boganwood/id486327558?mt=2
Or Stitcher Smart Radio
stitcher.com/s/player.php?eid=19824654
Featuring an aussie Bogan reading the adventures of Boganwood
boganwood@hotmail.com
To get full Boganwood there is also an audio version available on iTunes
Click here
https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/boganwood/id486327558?mt=2
Or Stitcher Smart Radio
stitcher.com/s/player.php?eid=19824654
Featuring an aussie Bogan reading the adventures of Boganwood
boganwood@hotmail.com
Boganwood Episode 5
Welcome to Boganwood, Canberra, (Au)stralia the forgotten suburb.
In today’s adventure we follow the continuing antics of Sheila and Jimbo as they drive towards the undisclosed location, but before we do we should briefly check in on Dingo and Bricko as they wash windows…….
Dingo stared at the traffic lights waiting in anticipation for the lights to turn red. They have already had a fairly big day with the collections they had from the cars they were servicing and had worked out their plan for maximum collection…..
Bricko, you know him the thinking man, had worked on a way to create a system whereby they could cash in on window washing by only washing a few actual windows.
“ Now Dingo get ready “ Bricko yelled across to Dingo as they stood in preparation for the cars. The light turned to amber and the traffic started to slow, coming to a complete stop on the red light and the boys were on the attack.
Bricko walked around one side of the car with his window washing squeegee raised high, making his way toward the first car pointing at the driver.
“You want a wash “ He yelled
The driver shook his head and he turned to the next one.
The next driver also shook his head……
Bricko made his way through the traffic getting no’s from all the drivers….. now here is where the scam came in. Whilst the driver were paying attention to saying no to Bricko, Dingo started to wash the windows without permission.
He slammed the squeegee down on the first car as the driver shook his head for him to leave. Bricko looked over and saw Dingo had started washing the windows and walked back toward the first car making his way to the drivers window. Dingo moved onto the second car ignoring the drivers request for him to piss off as Bricko banged on the first cars window with his hand out asking for change.
The driver was pissed but only wanted the bogan standing at his window to piss off, so he reached into his wallet and shoved the lose change into Brickos hand. Bricko pocketed the money and followed Dingo as he washed a number of cars waiting for the lights to change.
The drivers of the cars were too busy yelling at Dingo to realise the handsome Bricko standing next to their window with a ciggy hanging out of his mouth banging on their windows. Now this scheme was proven to work and the boys were collecting 5 – 10 bucks a car…. bloody Canberra public servants always had ‘loose change’…. but nothing bought in more money then standing in front of a car after the light had turned green.
It was a bit trial and error, but soon they realised which cars would give you the big payout and you didnt even have to wash the actual window. Bricko and Dingo would pick a car and start walking toward it after the lights had changed, the driver would start beeping, but so would the cars behind him. In frustration the driver would always hand some quick cash to get the boys out of the way so he could continue his drive. The boys were collecting big amounts and they were proud of themselves giving little thought to Jimbo and his busted leg but that would soon change……
Jimbo continued to drive up the road passing places that sheila would frequently visit
The park, the toilet blocks, the local shops, the pub and fuck me ! Centrelink…..
Sheila watched out the window as centrelink passed them by and she was furious !
“ Fuck you Jimbo let me out of the car, I want my fucking Centrelink check”
“No sheila, cant do that mate, we need to visit someone and work out how we are going to solve the problem your boys brought on at the supermarket yesterday”
“I don’t give a fuck, I’m pregnant and stuff, it ain’t my fault that you dont know how to fucking walk you clumsy cunt”
“Now sheila that isn’t really a nice thing to say “ Jimbo said as he continued to drive into the city.
Sheila looked left and right trying to figure out a way to escape, but her options were limited until she realised one important fact…… they were close to where Bricko and Dingo were window washing… Was Jimbo driving her to the guys ? That would be stupid, she thought they would out number him and kick his arse for taking her…..
But maybe he didn’t realise…. or did he? Sheila looked around as Jimbo started to sing
“I love my life as a dickhead!
All my friends are dickheads too (two)
Come with me let’s be dickheads (Haven’t you heard?)
Being a dickhead’s cool!”
“ What the fuck are you singing you silly cunt ?” Sheila asked as she looked around the car for something that could help her.
Jimbo ignored her and kept singing and that’s when Sheila figured out what she needed…. she reached into her pocket and pulled out her lighter.
Sorry I shouldn’t say her lighter, as she had borrowed it from someone weeks ago and had been fighting to make sure she kept it for as long as possible.
Jimbo didn’t see her reach into her pockets as they kept driving…Sheila looked out the window and could see two blokes washing windows at the lights coming up….
Fuck me, Could it be ?
What the fuck ? It can’t be?
shes never been that lucky ? And Jimbo couldnt be that stupid could he ?
All of the sudden the lights turned amber and the cars in front of them started to slow down. Sheila waiting in anticipation as they made their way closer and closer, until they came to a stop 4 cars away from the lights and fuck me, there was Dingo and Bricko washing windows.
Sheila’s heart dropped, this was her chance… Jimbo stared at them relising that he had fucked up and that through the bad luck of the red light the boys were now only a couple of cars ways. Sheila worked through a plan to let the boys know where she was as Jimbo turned toward her.
“ Don’t you get any fucking ideas Sheila, we will tell the boys your with us with I’m fucking done with you”
Sheila didn’t agree with that plan and she would be fucked if she would listen to the busted leg fuck any more…
Sheila grabbed at her lighter and punched Jimbo in the face, whilst the boys made their way to a second car collecting their money… they were close… she yelled and screamed, kicked and punched at Jimbo as he blocked the punches….
Bricko and Dingo were now at the row in front on them as Sheila continued her barrage of verbal and physical abuse !
They were so close she could see them, and thats when the lights turned green and the cars started to moved. The boys had stopped in front of a car… the problem was, it wasn’t their row and Jimbo laughed as they started to moved pass them……
Sheila watch out the window as Dingo and Bricko stood in front of a car not even looking in her direction…. she had to act quick…. she lit her lighter and pushed it into Jimbo’s neck and he screamed. With his busted foot he lost control of the car and it run up the gutter ….. creating a huge bang !!!
The noise was loud and Dingo and Bricko turned to see what had caused it…… the car looked familiar they thought as they grabbed the money off the driver and started walking off the road… watching the car that went up the gutter steer back onto the road…..
That was when a number of things happened at once.
Dingo and Bricko both yelled “Sheila” as they looked at the passenger seat window
Sheila yelled “ Jimbo the cunt has me !!!!” as she looked out at Dingo and Bricko
and Jimbo smiled as the car continued down the road, further and further away from the boys………
Dingo and Bricko turned to each other “ Fuck” they both said
“ We need to go and get her” Bricko yelled as he started to run
“ Where the fuck are they going ?” Dingo yelled
“ I don’t know, but it looks like they are on their way to Jimbo’s place” Bricko yelled as he continued to run…..” We need to start there”………
Jimbo kept smiling at Sheila as she looked surprisingly at him “ What the fuck are you laughing at Jimbo you cunt ?” Sheila asked
Jimbo kept smiling “ Well that didn’t go exactly as planned, a bit more painful then I would have liked, but the outcome was exactly what we wanted” Jimbo said as he started to laugh….
“ What the fuck does that mean ?” Sheila asked as they continued to make their way down they road ……….
So that’s where we leave Bricko, Dingo, Sheila and Jimbo for today, about to start on a plan that will set in motion a great many issues that will cause problems for everyone involved …. But that’s another story to be continued another day……. Boganwood is a place of many adventures and things have a tendency to work itself out, both the good and the bad….. and definitely the bogan….
Come back to Boganwood to find the answer to the questions
What will happen to Sheila ?
Why the fuck was Jimbo smiling ?
And Will Sheila ever get her fucking dole check ?
All will be answered in the next episodes and remember what they say in Boganwood…..
Leave my ciggys alone you fucking mole !
In today’s adventure we follow the continuing antics of Sheila and Jimbo as they drive towards the undisclosed location, but before we do we should briefly check in on Dingo and Bricko as they wash windows…….
Dingo stared at the traffic lights waiting in anticipation for the lights to turn red. They have already had a fairly big day with the collections they had from the cars they were servicing and had worked out their plan for maximum collection…..
Bricko, you know him the thinking man, had worked on a way to create a system whereby they could cash in on window washing by only washing a few actual windows.
“ Now Dingo get ready “ Bricko yelled across to Dingo as they stood in preparation for the cars. The light turned to amber and the traffic started to slow, coming to a complete stop on the red light and the boys were on the attack.
Bricko walked around one side of the car with his window washing squeegee raised high, making his way toward the first car pointing at the driver.
“You want a wash “ He yelled
The driver shook his head and he turned to the next one.
The next driver also shook his head……
Bricko made his way through the traffic getting no’s from all the drivers….. now here is where the scam came in. Whilst the driver were paying attention to saying no to Bricko, Dingo started to wash the windows without permission.
He slammed the squeegee down on the first car as the driver shook his head for him to leave. Bricko looked over and saw Dingo had started washing the windows and walked back toward the first car making his way to the drivers window. Dingo moved onto the second car ignoring the drivers request for him to piss off as Bricko banged on the first cars window with his hand out asking for change.
The driver was pissed but only wanted the bogan standing at his window to piss off, so he reached into his wallet and shoved the lose change into Brickos hand. Bricko pocketed the money and followed Dingo as he washed a number of cars waiting for the lights to change.
The drivers of the cars were too busy yelling at Dingo to realise the handsome Bricko standing next to their window with a ciggy hanging out of his mouth banging on their windows. Now this scheme was proven to work and the boys were collecting 5 – 10 bucks a car…. bloody Canberra public servants always had ‘loose change’…. but nothing bought in more money then standing in front of a car after the light had turned green.
It was a bit trial and error, but soon they realised which cars would give you the big payout and you didnt even have to wash the actual window. Bricko and Dingo would pick a car and start walking toward it after the lights had changed, the driver would start beeping, but so would the cars behind him. In frustration the driver would always hand some quick cash to get the boys out of the way so he could continue his drive. The boys were collecting big amounts and they were proud of themselves giving little thought to Jimbo and his busted leg but that would soon change……
Jimbo continued to drive up the road passing places that sheila would frequently visit
The park, the toilet blocks, the local shops, the pub and fuck me ! Centrelink…..
Sheila watched out the window as centrelink passed them by and she was furious !
“ Fuck you Jimbo let me out of the car, I want my fucking Centrelink check”
“No sheila, cant do that mate, we need to visit someone and work out how we are going to solve the problem your boys brought on at the supermarket yesterday”
“I don’t give a fuck, I’m pregnant and stuff, it ain’t my fault that you dont know how to fucking walk you clumsy cunt”
“Now sheila that isn’t really a nice thing to say “ Jimbo said as he continued to drive into the city.
Sheila looked left and right trying to figure out a way to escape, but her options were limited until she realised one important fact…… they were close to where Bricko and Dingo were window washing… Was Jimbo driving her to the guys ? That would be stupid, she thought they would out number him and kick his arse for taking her…..
But maybe he didn’t realise…. or did he? Sheila looked around as Jimbo started to sing
“I love my life as a dickhead!
All my friends are dickheads too (two)
Come with me let’s be dickheads (Haven’t you heard?)
Being a dickhead’s cool!”
“ What the fuck are you singing you silly cunt ?” Sheila asked as she looked around the car for something that could help her.
Jimbo ignored her and kept singing and that’s when Sheila figured out what she needed…. she reached into her pocket and pulled out her lighter.
Sorry I shouldn’t say her lighter, as she had borrowed it from someone weeks ago and had been fighting to make sure she kept it for as long as possible.
Jimbo didn’t see her reach into her pockets as they kept driving…Sheila looked out the window and could see two blokes washing windows at the lights coming up….
Fuck me, Could it be ?
What the fuck ? It can’t be?
shes never been that lucky ? And Jimbo couldnt be that stupid could he ?
All of the sudden the lights turned amber and the cars in front of them started to slow down. Sheila waiting in anticipation as they made their way closer and closer, until they came to a stop 4 cars away from the lights and fuck me, there was Dingo and Bricko washing windows.
Sheila’s heart dropped, this was her chance… Jimbo stared at them relising that he had fucked up and that through the bad luck of the red light the boys were now only a couple of cars ways. Sheila worked through a plan to let the boys know where she was as Jimbo turned toward her.
“ Don’t you get any fucking ideas Sheila, we will tell the boys your with us with I’m fucking done with you”
Sheila didn’t agree with that plan and she would be fucked if she would listen to the busted leg fuck any more…
Sheila grabbed at her lighter and punched Jimbo in the face, whilst the boys made their way to a second car collecting their money… they were close… she yelled and screamed, kicked and punched at Jimbo as he blocked the punches….
Bricko and Dingo were now at the row in front on them as Sheila continued her barrage of verbal and physical abuse !
They were so close she could see them, and thats when the lights turned green and the cars started to moved. The boys had stopped in front of a car… the problem was, it wasn’t their row and Jimbo laughed as they started to moved pass them……
Sheila watch out the window as Dingo and Bricko stood in front of a car not even looking in her direction…. she had to act quick…. she lit her lighter and pushed it into Jimbo’s neck and he screamed. With his busted foot he lost control of the car and it run up the gutter ….. creating a huge bang !!!
The noise was loud and Dingo and Bricko turned to see what had caused it…… the car looked familiar they thought as they grabbed the money off the driver and started walking off the road… watching the car that went up the gutter steer back onto the road…..
That was when a number of things happened at once.
Dingo and Bricko both yelled “Sheila” as they looked at the passenger seat window
Sheila yelled “ Jimbo the cunt has me !!!!” as she looked out at Dingo and Bricko
and Jimbo smiled as the car continued down the road, further and further away from the boys………
Dingo and Bricko turned to each other “ Fuck” they both said
“ We need to go and get her” Bricko yelled as he started to run
“ Where the fuck are they going ?” Dingo yelled
“ I don’t know, but it looks like they are on their way to Jimbo’s place” Bricko yelled as he continued to run…..” We need to start there”………
Jimbo kept smiling at Sheila as she looked surprisingly at him “ What the fuck are you laughing at Jimbo you cunt ?” Sheila asked
Jimbo kept smiling “ Well that didn’t go exactly as planned, a bit more painful then I would have liked, but the outcome was exactly what we wanted” Jimbo said as he started to laugh….
“ What the fuck does that mean ?” Sheila asked as they continued to make their way down they road ……….
So that’s where we leave Bricko, Dingo, Sheila and Jimbo for today, about to start on a plan that will set in motion a great many issues that will cause problems for everyone involved …. But that’s another story to be continued another day……. Boganwood is a place of many adventures and things have a tendency to work itself out, both the good and the bad….. and definitely the bogan….
Come back to Boganwood to find the answer to the questions
What will happen to Sheila ?
Why the fuck was Jimbo smiling ?
And Will Sheila ever get her fucking dole check ?
All will be answered in the next episodes and remember what they say in Boganwood…..
Leave my ciggys alone you fucking mole !
Boganwood Episode 4
Welcome to Boganwood, Canberra, (Au)stralia the forgotten suburb
Sheila sat in the car cursing at Jimbo and
reaching across the wheel to hit and punch him, but Jimbo kept driving
his car to the undisclosed location with a smile on his face and a
strange look in his eyes.
It was only moment ago that Sheila remembered
that the events the day before hadn’t gone as planned. Yes they had
given Dingo and Bricko the window washing business but the actual
occurrence hadn’t happened as it was meant to…….. and Jimbo didn’t look
too happy about it……….
Now before we continue with Sheila and her
misadventures with the ever pleasant and handsome Jimbo, we should take
a step back and talk about the reason Sheila is concerned that she is
now locked in the car with Jimbo…….
Bricko, Dingo and Jimbo continued to
discuss their plan as they walked toward the entrance to the
supermarket……..missing out on one key problem…….
Bricko stopped Jimbo and Dingo.
“Guys, we shouldn’t go in together, they
will be able to put two and two together, you know with them security
cameras and stuff”
“Shit Bricko, thank god for you thinking
and stuff, I wouldn’t have thought of that, you got a smart brain Bricko
and we should listen to its thoughts” Dingo stated as him and Jimbo
stood back.
Bricko entered the store looking around,
or scoping the joint, or some other smart word for sussing it out and
walked around the store and gave a nod for Dingo to enter.
Dingo and Jimbo entered the store together
making their way through the aisles so they could get close to Bricko
to nut out the rest of the plan.
Bricko walked down the oil aisle and grabbed a bottle and started his way over to Dingo and Jimbo to discuss their plan.
Now Im not gonna lie here people, have you
ever seen three bogans standing next to each other trying to talk about
something, when they are pretending they don’t know each other ? Well
let me tell you it doesn’t look as inconspicuous as they would have
liked to think, that and the fact that Bricko and Dingo had forgotten
the one thing that was going to change the events of todays antics.
Although Bricko had walked past the
security guard, he didn’t think anything of it. Why would he? today was
all about making a so called accident occuring, but as Bricko enetered
the store the Security Guard Diesel got a twinge of recognition.
“Fuck where do I know that bloke from”
Diesel mumbled to himself. He sat there trying to work it out, but it
was only moments later that Dingo walked in and Diesel remembered
everything. Those fuckers ! What the fuck are those cunts up to he
thought…..
Diesel decided to keep a safe distance to
ensure the guys didn’t recognise him as he watched Jimbo join them.
There they were, three bogans standing together in an aisle with two
bottles of oil….what the fuck was going on he thought to himself. Those
are the fuckers that rolled me, he remembered as he peered at Dingo and
Bricko ……
Diesel had only been in the local pub for a
couple of days now and he was just getting used to the different
clientele, when he was called over the loud speaker to come quickly to
the pokie machines.
It was there he met both Dingo and Bricko
for the first time, sitting at a pokie machine as the feature went off,
arguing with a lady.
The manager also walked up and gave Diesel
an update on the incident from his perspective. It appears that as the
women had gone to the toilet and she left a couple of dollars in her
machine and hit the reserve button so no one could play her machine.
The womens version of the story
continued…….. she returned from her toilet break and was greeted by
Dingo and Bricko now sitting in her seat, playing her machine as the
feature continued to rack up the dollars. Dingo and Bricko refused the
leave stating that they had taken over the machine after she had left
and gone to the toilet. The women went and got the manager to tell him
of her misfortune at the hands of a couple of bogans and and the manager
decided the best coarse of events was to call the new security guard as
Dingo and Bricko had been know for causing problems during previous
incidents within the club.
Now as with everything in Boganwood there
is always 2 sides to the story, but we don’t have time for the truth
here so we will continue with the womens version of events to get to
Diesel’s distaste of Dingo and Bricko.
After the club manager asked Diesel to
escort Dingo and Bricko off the local club premises, Sheila walked up
and started in on them both. She was a trusting women, she was and no
one was going to accuse her men of robbing some old lady…..
“Fuck off you dirty old cunt, I bet you
just did your pension check and wanted some free cash. My men are not
fucking granny stealers” She stated in the heat of the moment “They won
that money fair a square, so don’t you fucking touch them”
It was at this point that everyone around
them had started to watch as the incidents unfolded. Diesel but his hand
on Bricko and Dingo saw red….. he decided to control his anger and
stood up string at Diesel.
“Get your fucking hands off my mate, you bullied school kid that couldn’t make it as a police officer !”
Now things were getting out of hand, Diesel was furious ! How did he know all this about his life ?
Yeah he had been bullied in school and
failed his police academy application, but who was this bloke to call
him on it. He grabbed both Dingo and Bricko at the same time and pulled
them toward the exit. Dingo and Bricko followed as Sheila yelled abuse
at the top of her lungs as she followed them out “Let go of my husband
you fucking dero ! Im going to sue you fuckers for kicking a pregnant
women out of a place for no reason and blaming her husband and his mate
of stealing !, Im going to current affairs !” Diesel continued dragging
them out of the club, out past the front entrance reception desk and
into the car park.
Now Bricko and Dingo have been in
altercations such as this before because they were seen as easy targets
but it didn’t mean they didn’t have a plan for Diesel, that he would
soon regret.
Now to keep the pace of the story and to
get back into the supermarket we should probabaly skim over this bit and
we may revisit it in the future, but long story short…. Diesel ended up
with a black eye and Sheila ended up with a security guards jacket…..
So that’s where Diesel remembered them
from, the club, the jacket, Dingo and fucking Bricko ! He stood and
watched the events as they unfolded.
Bricko took the oil and walked down the
dog food aisle, piercing the top and dropping it as he walked. Diesel
followed him down the aisle wanting to get revenge from the club knock
him down while he wasn’t looking, unaware of the oil he was dropping.
Diesel started to charge at Bricko and slipped
in the oil falling on to his arse and as he was falling Diesel grabbed
at the shelf bringing a large amount dog food cans onto his arm. Jimbo
walked around the corner as this was unfolding…
“Fuck” Jimbo yelled as he saw the security guard
Bricko turned around at the noises as
Jimbo ran off and Dingo came around the corner….. with oil in his
hands…… Bricko wasn’t sure why he had oil as they had discussed that he
was doing the oil, what the fuck was Dingo with his oil ?
Diesel screamed as his arm broke under the weight of the cans he pulled from the shelf,
Jimbo raced down the soft drink aisle toward the main entrance and slipped in the oil Dingo had dropped,
Dingo turned around and yelled at Jimbo “I will meet you at the front Door”
“You fuckers got me again” Diesel yelled at Bricko and Dingo
Bricko made his way out of the aisle and
walked toward the entrence glancing up the drinks aisle as he left and
saw Jimbo laying on the ground with his leg at a crooked angle staring
at him and yelling “ Help me you fucking Cunt !, What the fuck have you
done you stupid fucks !!”. Dingo grabbed Bricko and yelled “ We have to
get out of here……quickly”. They made their way out the front door and
started their run home !
“ Jobs done” Dingo said to Bricko
“ Fuck, Im not sure that was the plan
Dingo” Bricko stated, trying to work through everything. He needed some
dope, that always helped him think clearly, he thought.
“ Listen, he wanted an accident in the
shops so he could sue so we gave him one, the way I see it he got what
he asked for and with his busted leg he will get more money from them
and we can take over his window washing gig while he gets his
money….plan successfully done”
Fuck Bricko thought, it kind of made sense
but there may be some loose ends that they should probably deal with
later…… Who the fuck was the security guard and why did it seem that he
knew them ?
Bricko mind raced trying to work through the events and the questions that needed answering. Dingo smiled at the success of their scheme, thinking of the great new window washing venture they were about to undertake.
Not many thoughts initially came to poor old Jimbo’s well being…. But they would as the next days events unfolded……….
So that’s where we leave Bricko and Dingo
for today after their misadventure in the supermarket, little thought
was given to the consequences of the events that unfolded…. But that’s
another story which we will continue another day……. Boganwood is a place
of many adventures and things have a tendency to work itself out and
Diesel had now been done over by these guys twice, but we will get to
that and with Jimbo taking Sheila things are about to get interesting….
Come back to Boganwood to find the answer to the questions
What will happen to Sheila ?
How is Jimbo going to seek his revenge for the incidents that unfolded ?
Will Diesel finally move on from his revenge against Dingo and Bricko ? and
Where is Diesels Security jacket now ??
All will be answered in the next episodes and remember what they say in Bogan wood…..
Im going to a current affairs !
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