Boganwood Season 2 the Audio version

Boganwood Season 2 Episode 4

Welcome to Boganwood Australia Canberra’s forgotten suburb

In today’s adventure we check back in on Sheila she is taken for a ride again but first we should catch up with Jimbo as he runs into a familiar friend

‘Diesel’ Jimbo yelled as he continued to get closer and closer to the police line up front.
‘Diesel’ he yelled again.
See Diesel wasn’t feeling the best, after being rolled by Dingo and Bricko.
He slowly turned his head toward the car and that’s when he saw Jimbo.
‘Jimbo ? Is that you’
‘I need a favour’ Jimbo yelled
‘Nah mate, Im not helping you anymore Im staying out of the shit’ Diesel continued as he made his way up road.
‘Fuck Diesel, what about if you had some of this’ Jimbo called out showing him a wad of cash.
‘What the fuck’ Diesel said as he started making his way toward the car.
‘All this could be yours’ Jimbo continued ‘If you will do me a small favour’ he continued.
The cars moved closer to the police. Jimbo’s car was only about 5 cars away from the line when Diesel reached the door.
‘I need you to take the cash’ Jimbo said.
‘You want me to take the cash?’ Diesel asked
‘Yes fuckstain’ he continued ‘I need you to take the cash and hide it until I get through this police line. After that’s done I will meet you at your place and we can split the money and I know how much is in there’ he said.
Now Diesel wasn’t the brightest cookie in the jar, but hell it was a lot of money he thought as he reached into the car and grab the bag of cash.
Smiling at his new found fortune he turned to Jimbo.
‘Ok mate, meet you at my place’ he said as he started walking back to his house.
Jimbo stared as Diesel walked off contemplating if he made the right choice giving Diesel the money as the line toward the police moved forward again he was now only 4 cars away from a search…….
‘What the fuck do you cunts want ?’ Sheila yelled from the back seat.
‘Shhhhh Sheila’ Pat said as they continued down the road. ‘We have someone that wants to meet you’ he said with a smile on his face.
‘ I aint doing nothing with youse’ she yelled “I am pregnant you dirty bastards, what have I ever dowe to anyone !!’ She continued in typical Sheila fashion raving and ranting as Rabbit and Pat wore the wraith of Sheila.
The car continued down the road as Sheila continued her abuse from the back seat, yelling every obscenity she could think of.
Pat turned to tell her to shut up when Sheila all of a sudden stopped.
‘Jesus Sheila, you took the money, all we want is the money’
‘Don’t know what you talking about’ Sheila said ‘But how’s about you give us a ciggie and I will shut up for youse’ she said.
That’s a great compromise Pat thought to himself as he reached into his pocket and threw her the pack.
Sheila reached into the pack and pulled out a ciggy and the lighter.
‘Now Sheila, not far to go and then when can start on about the money again’
‘I have no idea what your fucking talking about’ She said.
‘Yep we will get to that’ Pat said as they continued their way down the road………..
Dingo and Bricko got into the car with Micko as they made their way to the house.
The house itself wasn’t that far and they sat out the front looking at it trying to work out a plan to get inside and find what they were looking for and that’s when it happened……….
‘Ahhhhhhhh FUCK !’ Pat yelled as Sheila put the hot lighter into his neck.
Rabbit swerved but was able to control the car, that was until Sheila put the light cigarette into his cheek.
Rabbit slammed on the brakes.
Sheila started hitting Pat in the front seat.
She climbed into the front seat and continued punching his
“I’m fucking pregnant you fucks…..’ She yelled as she continued to hit both of with kicks and punches make her way for the door.
Both Rabbit and Pat were caught off guard and in the small enclosed area, they were unable to get control of the now feral Sheila.
Sheila opened the passenger and started to run.
Pat and Rabbit made their way out of the car trying to get control again.
Sheila ran into someones yard banging on the front door…..
“SHEILA !’ A voice yelled as she banged and banged on the door.
‘Help me I’m pregnant’ she yelled !
The front door opened and she barged her way in, locking the door behind her.
‘Thanks heaps lady, I’m pregnant and stuff’ She said.
‘Not a worry lovey’ Beryl smiled ‘I will go and call the cops for you’ she said as she made her way out the door with Sheila following.
……….
‘SHEILA’ Dingo yelled as he saw her run from the car.
Bricko grabbed him and held him down watching as Pat and Rabbit disorientated got out of the car and made their way into the yard.
‘wait a sec’ bricko yelled ‘This is some weird shit and we need to work out a plan’ he yelled as Dingo continued to thrash……….
‘Beryl hung up the phone’
‘There lovey, all sorted’ She said as she turned to sheila.
‘Would you like a cup of tea’ she said as she made her way to the fridge.
‘How about a fucking beer’ Sheila said.
‘Ok lovey I will just duck out and grab a drink from my fridge outside ‘she said as she unlocked the back door. As beryl unlocked it Pat and rabbit came inside smiling.
‘Where the fuck have you guys been’ Beryl said as Sheila came to the realisation that she was in trouble………
….. Just as Jimbo was making his way to the first police office all of the police raced back to their cars and took off. He laughed in relief as the traffic started to get back underway.
Money then out of town, he said as he turned back towards Diesels place………
Bricko and Dingo sat staring at the house.
They had Sheila.
What the fuck was going on ? They thought.
How they hell were they going to get her ?
What had she done to get into the house and why had Pat and Rabbit just walked in?
‘We can’t just walking in there’ Bricko said as they stared at the house.
Micko had left as soon as the shit hit the fan.
Bricko tried to work out a plan of attack.
They didn’t know what was going on, how where they going to get into the house ?
If they knew who Sheila was they were bound to know who Ding and Bricko were.
‘Ive got an idea’ Bricko said as he started to run up the street.
‘Where are we going’ Dingo yelled “we have to save Sheila’ he continued
“That’s exactly what are going do’ Bricko yelled as he continued up the road.
So thats where we leave Boganwood for today, with Sheila walking into a dangerous situation not realising that she is in far more trouble then she actually thinks.

So come back to find the answers to the questions
* What will happen to Sheila ?
* How nasty is Beryl really ?
* Why are Dingo and Brick running away from the house ?
Come back to Boganwood to find the answers to there questions and and more Season 2 of Boganwood continues and remember what they say in Bogawood…..
You cant live without the 3 B’s Boobs, burnouts and Beer !

Boganwood Misadventure 2 - Davos little Secret

Welcome to Boganwood Australia, Canberra’s forgotten suburb 

In today’s adventure we  get to meet the ever interesting character that is Davo as he rushes to get something done before he has to get to work…………………………. 

Davo raced up the heart of the city on his way to get some stuff sorted before he was due for work! It had been a close call but he figured he would have time to get back home and changed if he just had another 30 minutes. 

See, it wasn’t Davo’s fault really, but the night before had really thrown off his schedule and he was still in the same clothes. See, Davo was the manager at work and considering what he was wearing it wouldn’t be appropriate for him to turn-up the way he did. 

“Fuck’ Davo yelled as he got stuck at another set of traffic lights. 

Now Davo was concerned as this secret of his had been well kept now for a couple of years and this was the first time that he had been so close to getting caught. The lights turned green and he made his way to the next set of traffic lights only to get another red light. 

‘This is getting fucking ridiculous’ He yelled openly in the car and looked up the road to the next set of traffic lights, and that’s when he spotted his worst nightmare up ahead standing at the traffic lights !!! 

“what the fuck !’ he said looking in either direction trying to figure a way out of the traffic. “Ahhhh fuck, what have I done’ he thought as the light turned green and he slowly made his way to the next set of traffic lights wishing for it to remain green allowing him to drive straight through ! 

See the reason Davo was concerned, was due to the fact that up ahead was everyone favourite Bogans and Davo’s worse nightmare, Bricko and Dingo ‘washing windows’. Now he didn’t have a specific problem with them but they did have a tendency to cause a lot of problems for him and considering his current situation it could only make matters worse. 

‘Please God, Let me through this’ He yelled. 

‘I swear I will treat everyone with respect and donate a large sum of money, if you only give me a green light!’ he prayed as the car continued to move. 

Now it shouldn’t go without mention that Davo himself didn’t actually believe in God, unless he felt it was convenient for him that was, but considering the situation he was in. What real options did he actually have? 

Well Davo tried as he might to get through the next set of traffic lights to no success. 

The fucking car in front of him came to a halt on the amber light! 

‘Fuck you, you stupid fuck!’ Davo yelled. 

He didn’t want to draw attention to himself so he layer off the horn…… but I’m sure you guessed it by now, it didn’t fucking work. 

He ducked down hoping that they wouldn’t recognise him as Bricko started to wash his window. 

‘No thank you, I’m ok’ He yelled with his face down, but it didn’t appear to work and Bricko continued to wash his window with dirty water. Fuck me he thought to himself. Why, why, why could he be so stupid. It was Canberra after all and the traffic light was full of Bogans, his clientele so to speak. Davo kept his head in his lap when there was a tap on the Window. He looked up and there was fucking Bricko, staring into his front window, with a strange look upon his face and then turn his attention up the road. 

Davo hoped upon want that he wouldn’t be recognised but Bricko continued looking up the road as he kept tapping on the window. Maybe there is a way I could pay him without him recognising me, Davo thought and that when it happened. 

Davo in his infinite wisdom left the door unlocked and I’m sure you can guess what happened next! 

BANG! 

Bricko opened the door as 2 cyclists ran into it! 

Davo stared around in shock as the 2 cyclist hit the door and fell from their bikes. 

‘Come on mate, we are in a hurry!’ Bricko yelled to Dingo as Davo stared in shock at what had happened. 

Now you know what happens from here so we will just recap……anyway 

• Bricko and Dingo stole the bikes 
• The cyclist lay on the ground in shock 
• Davo remained in his car in shock 

‘Are you alright?’ A women said as she walked up to the door looking at the driver. ‘I saw what happened, it was those bloody Bogan’s’ she said. Davo looked at the car in front of him moving through the traffic as a small crowd gathered around him! 

What should he do! He needed to get changed and get to work; this situation was getting out of hand. He reached over and shut the door, racing down the street to get home. A thousand things raced through his mind as he was on his way home, and a lot had to do with Dingo and Bricko…….which led him to the connection of Sheila. Fuck me, what if Bricko told Sheila what he had seen? Did Bricko even recognise him ? He didn’t know…… 

Davo raced home and got dressed into his work clothes. He contemplated calling in sick for the day until he got his bearings and worked that he couldn’t call into work sick as this was his works busiest day ! See as the manager there was no way out of it. 

Davo got dressed for work and headed back in. By the time he got near the scene of the bike accident, everything had been cleared and the traffic was moving through. 

And just Davo luck, considering her was on his way to work, he got every fucking green light ! 

There were no bogans to be found and he got to work in record time ! 

He walked into work and raced into his office. 

If only he could stay in his office all day he could work out exactly what to do ! 

But poor old Davo had no such luck . 

All of a sudden there was a commotion in the reception area and he went to investigate and that’s when everything came tumbling down !  

‘Where’s my fucking Centrelink Cheque’ Sheila yelled at the receptionist. 

Davo looked around everywhere for Diesel, the security guard and suddenly remembered that he had left a message the night before that he was sick and wouldn’t be able to come in today. 

The receptionist paged the security guard to no success and Davo walked up and whispered in her ear, that Diesel had called in sick and wouldn’t be in. 

He was fucked, but it could be worse ! Bricko could be here he thought and that when his saviour walked through the door ! A great sense of relief washed over him as he yelled out to the security guard walking in the door ‘Thank you sir, this bogan needs to be removed off the premises please’ he said with a smile on his face. 

As the security got closer he realised, he was fucked. 

Wearing a security jacket was Bricko. 

Bricko walked up to him and whispered ‘Alright Princess’ he knew Davo thought himself ‘Tuck your cock and grab your frock, I really liked you in floral if I had to choose. Can’t we work something out for my mate Sheila?’ Bricko pulled back to watch Davo in shock. “ I’m so sorry for any inconvenience we have caused you, I will go and get your cheque straight way" Davo said as he raced off to get a cheque for Sheila…….  

Have you guessed it yet ? Well here another hint……. 

As Davo walked into his office, he heard the news come on the radio 

‘There was an accident earlier today on the main road in the city as two unknown males, brazenly attacked a women as she was driving down the road using her car door, to knock two cyclists off their bikes and stealing them…..Police are looking to question the lady driving the car and if you have any information please call crime stoppers’ 

‘FUCK !’ Davo yelled 

He quickly got the cheque and raced out to hand it Sheila, and watched as Bricko walked out the door. Bricko turned to give Davo a smile with a nod of recognition. 

Now you should have guessed it by now. Davo liked to partake in a bit of cross dressing from time to time. Now there’s nothing wrong with that at all, and little did Davo know, but the incident itself was safer in Bricko’s hand than anyone else. That’s not to say that Bricko won’t use Davo to help him if required, I mean come on Bricko would abuse this power would he ? 

Only time would tell……. 

So that’s where we leave Davo today as he tries to work out how to control his now known little secret finally getting out. But everything has a way of working itself out in Boganwood would only come back to bite him if Bricko used it to his advantage….right ! 

Well come back to Boganwood to find the answers to the question 

• What will happen to Davo and his little secret ? 
• What has happened to everyone favourite Bogans ?? 
• And how is all this back-story going to help us in Season 2? 

Come back to find the answers to all this and in the return of Boganwood Season 2 Late August 2013 ! And remember what they say in Boganwood ! 

‘Tuck your cock and grab your frock!’ 

www.boganwood.com

Boganwood - The Misadventures of Beryl

Welcome to Boganwood Australia, Canberra’s forgotten suburb

Before we get back into the adventure with Sheila, Bricko and Dingo, we are going to take a detour to meet another of Boganwood's interesting characters

In today’s adventure we meet Beryl, another character that lives in the suburb of Boganwood as she goes through her fortnightly routine...........

Beryl woke up early, and looked out the window to check the weather, as today she had a few things to get accomplished and one of them needed a wee bit of organisation.

Now Beryl was classed as Elderly and although she frowned on the Bogans of Boganwood waiting on their fortnightly cheques from Centrelink, she would often get up early to check that her pension payment was in on time.

This morning was no different and she needed to get to the bank to make a quick withdraw, so she started on her way.

Now as Beryl takes herself to the bank in her fortnightly routine, we should take a moment to explain a bit about Beryl. She had been in Boganwood for many years, and was treated with a large amount of respect. Yeah there had been a few problems with the odd riff raff, stealing things from her yard but they never ever went around the back thankfully!

She had done a number of things to keep people out including keeping a sign up telling everyone she had a Rottweiler and putting in fake security cameras. Beryl had to keep people out of her garage as in the garage was her pride and joy!

Beryl made her way to the bank...........In this day and age no one needed to go to the teller anymore, but Beryl was different and she would make her way every fortnight to the local bank and make a withdraw of some pension payments.

Today was no different and she walked into the bank to be greeted by the always pleasant and smiling faces of those around her.

Beryl took her ticket, waiting to be called......

She had her favorite teller by the name of Greta and she would look forward to her conversations with her every week.

For the next 30 minute she would talk about her grown up kids and show photos, talking about her upcoming medical appointments and finally making the withdraw.

The bank was used to her and as she was a lovely little old lady, who would ever complain?

Beryl made her withdraw, slipping a $50 note into her purse for a later hand at Bingo and walked out into the town ready to take on her plans that she had put in place for the day.....

Beryl made her way up the street to her location and stopped to watch a busker play away with such intensity that he had his eyes closed ...

Beryl loved the song and stopped to have a listen.....

Now, It should go without saying that not everyone in Boganwood is nasty or mean or always looking for a quick buck and when it came to Beryl.......

Well, I’m sure you guessed it by now.....

She was once of the fucking worse! What I hear you say? The lovely little old lady?

Fuck no she wasn’t lovely, she was just better at hiding it then others....

Beryl was on her way to the local pub for a few wines and to gamble away her pension. Now I hear you say, that isn’t bad, that something she needs help with?

Well let me tell you, you’re wrong....

Beryl fell over and landed next to where the busker was playing.... As people started to help her up, she decided to help herself to a couple of dollars (and notes) out of the buskers money....

No one expected it and it always gave her a few free drinks down the local pub.....

As she was helped up and checked that she was alright, she continue to make her way to the pub....

That’s right people Beryl’s plan for the day was gambling the money through the poker machines..........Hours later and with only $50 dollars left to gamble she stared at the last poker machine she had played, trying to work out if she should take her money and leave...

Should she take the 50 and leave? Fuck no thought Beryl, This machine had to pay sooner or later and so she put it into the machine hoping for a win.....

No sooner had she put the money in the machine then it was gone...... She had gambled away allot of money!

She got up from the machine swearing and cursing under her breathe and watched as a couple of local Bogans jumped onto the machine after her. She pulled up a seat nearby and watched as the fucking Bogans kept hitting the buttons and that’s when it happened.....

The feature went off!

The Bogans started cheering and Yahooing over their win.... Over her machine, Beryl thought! Fucking Bogans! Fucking Boganwood! Beryl made her way to the manager...

"Excuse me Sir" Beryl said

"Yes, maam, how can I help you?”

"Well, I’m not usually the type of person that likes to start trouble, but a couple of people just jumped onto my machine while I went to the Ladies room"

"I’m sorry, Which Machine is it I’m sure there was some confusion and it was a misunderstanding. We can work it out?”

"That one over there" Beryl pointed over to the machine as Bricko and Dingo were dancing around with excitement over their win.

By the look the manager had on his face he had obviously had dealings with Dingo and Bricko before, they were Bogan scum and made his job difficult. He knew he needed help.....so he went to his Security guard Diesel....

"Have seat, and we will sort this out for you. I’m sorry for the inconvenience" The manager said to Beryl. Beryl was happy; she sat back and watched the fireworks....

Now you all know what happens from here as this was mentioned in an earlier episode but here’s a recap....

* Sheila turns up screaming and yelling

* Dingo, Bricko and Sheila are removed from the club

* Diesel get rolled out the front and Dingo and Bricko steal his security Jacket

"There you are, and we are sorry for this inconvenience" The manager said to Beryl as he helped her back to her chair.

"That’s alright lovey" Beryl stated “It’s the drugs that makes them do it, it’s all the whacky tobacy" she said to the manager.

She sat down with a smile on her face..... On the machine was $150...this was turning out to be a very lucky day she thought as she hit collect.

With all her winnings, she left the club and smiled at all that she had accomplished today......

She had a list of new credit card numbers and expiry dates (She had taken them down as she distracted Greta this morning in the bank), she had all the winnings from the machine and she had actually made a profit through all the purses she had gone through talking to different women about her grandkids and children.....

Now let’s get this straight......she had no children, She hated them....all they did was cost money, she thought and there was no way some little fucker was going to ruin her get rich scheme.....

She felt good and on a high as she walked in the front door of her house and made her way to the back shed......

She opened the door and made her way to the safe. She placed the money left over from the club on top of a large pile of cash and turned to stare at her pride and joy.....

Beryl walked up to the nearest plant and cut off a bud....tonight she was going to mulch it up and tomorrow she would sell it to her local Bogans of Boganwood.....

Beryl was a dope dealer see, and through all the schemes she had pulled off in her time this was the most profitable. By living in Boganwood she had been able to slip under the radar with her scheme and she was doing great! That was, until she crossed paths and screwed over, Dingo, Bricko and Sheila who were about to change her luck once and for all........

But that’s another story that will be told another day.......

Beryl’s true colors have just started to show and things have a way to work themselves out in Boganwood for the Good, the Bad and definitely the Bogan....... Come back to Boganwood to find out the answers to the questions

* How bad is little old Beryl really?

* Will Beryl finally get what’s coming to her?

* And what the fuck are Dingo, Bricko and Sheila up to???

Come back to find the answers to all of these questions and more in the next season of Boganwood, Season 2, to be released very, very soon.

And remember what they say in Boganwood.......

"Never trust your Nanna"